I Am Not Your Savior

One of my students had to go home the other day, and for some reason I couldn’t stop crying because of it. I am crying now even thinking about it.

I knew he was one of the weak ones; he was actually repeating the class because he failed the previous one. But I’d seen improvements from him, and he tried so hard to keep up, and I kept thinking I should do something to help him.

But that opportunity never came, because the academic director had told him before that if he still couldn’t improve after three weeks, he had to go home, and I didn’t know anything about it.

What killed me more was the fact that he didn’t tell me about it, he’d kept it to himself for three weeks and I couldn’t do anything to keep him in the class because he had already made an agreement with the Academic Director. I just thought it was deeply unfair that he couldn’t stay until the end of the course and get to be interviewed like the rest of the students there. I even stated my objection but the AD was adamant that what was agreed couldn’t be changed.

It was hard for me to see him go, as I was the one who saw him everyday in class, and I noticed how hard he tried, and he did show improvements, and my belief in him grew; I had faith that he could make it this time around.

When the news had to be given to him, I saw that he was disappointed, but what killed me more was that he was still smiling and said that it was alright, that he would come back next year and try again. He was so optimistic still, even though he had failed.

It was even more unbearable to see him come to class and pack his bags while the rest of his classmates just stared at him in disbelief. I had to hide what I was feeling at that time, and fortunately I was pretty good at it. I’m not sure whether the students saw what my face looked like at that time but I was about ready to cry right then and there, in front of all of them.

It’s funny in a way, because this class was pretty solid and most of them were quite smart. But there was always the one student that I couldn’t save. It’s funny how I cared more about the one that I couldn’t save. And I don’t know why up to this moment I am still deeply troubled by it. Everytime I think about it, I have tears in my eyes.

Yesterday he added me on Facebook and I told him how sorry I was for not being able to help him, and he said, “It’s OK, Ma’am. I am stupid.”

No, you are not. No one is. You are good, but in the real world, being good is simply not enough. There is no place for good people who have to work ten times harder than the rest just because they are slow. There’s no place for effort, no matter how insignificant, to be appreciated. And I feel like I am a part of this cruel world.

I am sorry, I am not your savior. I wish I could be.

The Empathy

When it comes to teaching and being a class facilitator, I’ve realized that I haven’t shown enough empathy to my students. As a teacher I have the tendency to speak fast and assume that the students have no problems following my thoughts.

Wrong. Some are often lost and out-of-focus, and when I do stumble upon these students, I get upset and think that this is their problem, not mine.

A reminder to myself: It’s okay to slow down. Better to spend more time and making sure everyone understand as well as making sure that they read the lessons ahead before they are being discussed, rather than wasting time telling the students off for not listening.

My other weakness is giving instructions – I often forget that different people think differently. Most of the time, because of the time limit and the amount of lessons I have to cover, I belittle the importance of giving actual example of the task in which I want my students to do. I tend to think that verbal instruction is sufficient and that everyone understands – which might work on a Lower Intermediate class, but will definitely fail on an Elementary level class. Even on some cases, I find that giving actual examples by putting myself as a part of the role actually makes a significant amount of difference in both levels.

A reminder to myself: Show them how it’s done exactly so they know exactly what I expect of them. There’s really no other way to do it. This will eliminate students from interpreting things differently and doing unwanted improvisations that again, might result in me getting frustrated for not achieving the target.

To sum it up nicely, my biggest problem when teaching is probably patience. This, I don’t have enough. I don’t like wasting time and I simply can’t afford to; especially when there are twenty students needing my undivided attention and for me to identify each of their strength and weaknesses so I can find out ways to help them. Individually.

I hope I can remind myself to try to put myself in their shoes and think; If I were them, would I hate the teacher? Would I agree with the way she teaches? What could I do better?

My Guide to Life

Here’s the reason why this post is awesome:

• There must be some people out there naive enough to swallow every single thing I write without questioning it nor wondering about it. Hey, if it works for religions, why not?
• This will be a great tag post as the blogging world seems to have gone a bit slack (including yours truly), I’m hoping this post is going to get everyone up and running again.

So here we go:

Stop watching local TV nor read local newspaper. This will only depress the hell out of you. Subscribe to TV cable instead. Life’s sunnier that way, even if it’s rose-tinted and far from reality.

Giving money to beggars is not going to make a lot of difference. Well, the only difference is that there will be more beggars out there, since the one beggar who you give money to, has probably gone to his/her friends and tell them about this one awesomely rich person who seems to shit money from his/her ass, and is kind enough to give it to others – for free! I would rather give my money to animal shelters than beggars anyway. Because human can still help themselves, but animals can’t.

Except for cockroaches. Feel free to eradicate them anytime, anywhere. They’re the only creature that can survive nuclear wars. Them and Cher.

“Never judge a book by its cover” – whoever invent this saying is a patent liar. Because as far as I know, life on earth is all about appearance. So ladies and gentlemen, prettify yourself as much as you can. Start by putting on make up, wear better clothes, Photoshop yourself  until people no longer recognize you anymore; really, whatever it takes!

Stop buying fashion magazines at once. Why? Look at previous point and scan for the word “Photoshop”.

To single ladies out there: if your man doesn’t marry you within at least 5 years, dump him. Dump him immediately. It means he’s just not that into you. 5 years is too long anyway. No excuses really. If he really wants to be with you, he’d do anything to make that happen! Except if he: hasn’t got a job/is a junkie/lives with and off his parents, then you should dump him instead.

Second single ladies advice: Don’t be desperate. It’s a turn-off. Trust me, I’ve been there. And the more desperate you get, the worse choice you will have on men. I know I’ve dated some men bad enough that if I met them now, I would shudder and run for my life.

Third single ladies advice: Be honest. Be yourself. If you’re a bitch, then be a bitch. If he doesn’t like it then he’s not for you. It saves time and money to just get it all out in the open. No pretenses.

If you’re engaged to the love of your life and is planning to get married, do it exactly the way you want it to be, but don’t let anyone pay for it, not even your parents. Once you let them in, they’re gonna start running your whole life. And you will always remember your Wedding day as the worst, most exhausting day of your life, instead of your happiest. And it’ll only get worse. Can’t afford to pay for your own wedding? Save up!

Race, as politically incorrect as it is, is an important part of living in Indonesia – heck, even in most parts of the world. Wherever you are, whoever you are, people are going to wonder where you come from and what ethnic you belong to. And they are not going to stop until they get to the bottom of it.

It’s okay to watch crazy, stupid, fucked up shows like Jerseylicious or Jerry Springer, but only when you’re sick and can’t do anything but lie in bed and watch TV. Trust me, those shows will make you feel better about yourself.

Money is just a medium – earn it, use, utilize it, but don’t get too obsessed with it, or before you know it, you’re a slave to it.

Friends come and go, but dogs stay forever. At least when you train them well, anyway.

Men, though. They’re not so different to dogs. But just make sure you don’t tell this on to my husband.

Speaking about men; bad boys are called bad because they are bad. They make you go all horny and lusty and in the end you will get pregnant and he will ditch you. What you really need to find is a bad boy hidden underneath the exterior of a geeky, nice boy.

Another thing about men; you do realize they don’t change, right? So if you meet a man and immediately feel an intense urge to change him; either his looks, habits or personality, just forget about it. He will change if he wants to. You can’t do it for him and telling him to either choose between you or whatever it is that you want him to change from, is only going to make him feel resentful.

Everybody has an agenda. Even if they look as if they’ve got nothing to hide. So don’t be too naive. And don’t believe anything I’ve said in this blog either.

Alright! Now that I’m done confusing the heck out of you, it’s time to tag some people:

Rima, because I can’t wait for her Guide of Life, which I’m sure will be ten times more interesting and entertaining than mine!

Parvita, because she’s a fun, fearless female Janda Kaya!

Ivy, because she’s gorgeous, so kawaii, and sexy mother of two who never takes life too seriously but surprises me every now and then with her quirkiness,

Maureen, because she’s a lovely mother and a strong woman who inspires many female bloggers in the world!

Anita, because her posts will keep you interested and keep coming back for more. You don’t believe it? Just visit her blog!

Cn, because she’s feisty and I love her!

Wiwin, because she’s the only one who can get away from liking Britney so much… no, I’m kidding. She’s creative, talented and charming. And did I tell you she’s a huge fan of Britney?

Living Together aka Cohabiting

This post was actually inspired by Maureen‘s comment on my previous post about Life After Marriage.

So what does cohabiting mean? Seriously, stop being so lazy and just freaking google it. Here, I’ll make it easier for you by providing a link that explains it all.

Read it?

Alright, now that we’re all on the same page, let me tell you the reason why I post about it (although I actually don’t really need to, cause this is my personal blog and I can write whatever I want without having to explain anything but however);

I’ve heard plenty of times before of people saying that couples who live together before they decide to get married will jeopardize their plan on actually getting married.

I’ve heard my grandmother saying this, I’ve heard friends saying this, I’ve even heard strangers saying this. And I seriously don’t understand what makes them come up to this conclusion.

I’ve also heard people saying something like, “Don’t be engaged for too long otherwise you’ll end up jeopardizing yourself in getting married.”

Seriously, what kind of lame ass bullshit is that?

If two people decide to live together and they end up not getting married in the end it’s because their relationship is not strong enough to survive the long haul. It has got nothing to do with them living together before marriage.

And wouldn’t it be better, economically-speaking, to cancel the whole thing off before they actually get married, rather than realizing that, “Oh God I really can’t stand living with him/her, such a pain in the ass, I’m better off single!” AFTER you get married?

Imagine the regrets!

But of course, being in Indonesia, everyone seems to hold on to the deluded idea that cancelling the wedding after the couple has lived together will hugely disadvantage the woman since she has lost her virginity, because of course, when two people live together they also sleep together.

I wish people will wake up and smell the coffee; virginity is only an idea held dear by the people living in the village; it’s over-rated and sex is just as free here as it is in America. And actually, the people in the village are worse because a lot of the girls there get pregnant out of wedlock so ha!

Seriously, I can’t imagine what it’s like marrying a man whom you’ve never seen naked before. I mean, to be fair, you’d want to know how your man performs in bed, right?

You’d be naive to think that he will be great in bed even though you’ve never slept with him before. Seriously, what if his penis is really small? Or what if he has an early ejaculation? You can say that all of these things don’t matter in the bigger scheme of things but try being married without ever having known what multiple orgasm feels like.  I know some women whose husband just rolled to bed as soon as they let it out and they end up having to resolve to solo performance, the poor things.

I myself always think that before you buy the car you must always take it for a test drive. Sounds logical, no?