Don’t Text Message … Just Say It, Godammit!

There has got to be something wrong with the way people communicate these days. Regardless of how technology has played an enormous part in it, people are still having misunderstanding over something so small like, say, a text-message.

I cannot imagine what it was like for our grandparents, but I am sure that they probably didn’t have as much confusion as us the X generation would. Everything would be so much simpler back then, and people were probably a lot more patient than they are today (since their means of communication was somewhat limited), e.g. Waiting for letters require days and nights where as we expect our boyfriend to return our text message in five minutes top.

I recall a friend who tells me a story about her foolishness over unreplied text messages; she was having the fit about her final exam results, so she text-messages her boyfriend for some emotional support, but he doesn’t reply and she’s thinking that the boyfriend is ignoring her in purpose. So she text-messages him a couple more, basically accusing him of ignoring her and being a selfish, uncaring boyfriend. However, because her severe accusation caused no response whatsoever, she finally decides to make a call to his mobile, which results for the call being rejected over and over, and thus renders her feeling one hundred and ten percent damn sure that something is definitely up.

What happens is that about an hour later, the boyfriend rings her back and apologetically tells her that previously he was in a very important meeting, which explains the whole rejecting-the-calls business, and proceeds by asking her ‘What’s up?’ – and not even a single tone that shows he is pissed off.

However, we all know that we have been in the same situation and although we cannot disagree that she was acting like a complete berk about the whole phone-call thing, we can’t deny that we know exactly how she feels.

We are also familiar with the classic ‘waiting for his phone call’ case that most girls go through every now and then. You’ve been through a few dates and you decide that you like him – a lot. But you don’t know whether he feels the same, so the only thing you can do is wait over the phone, regretting your friends’ earlier invitation to go out and have pizza and obey their command to ‘stuff that prick who doesn’t call’.

What is so wrong about us taking the initiative to call them, not the other way around?

Because we are afraid than men will be put off by our aggressiveness. Because we don’t want to be seen desperate. We want to keep our cool, being seen as the aloof, unavailable ice queen. Because deep inside, we all want to be wanted.

Why can’t it just be as easy as us saying, “Listen, I like you and I think we could really have some fun together so hows about it?”

Why can’t people just be upfront about what they want, instead of going round in circles making others feel so confused?

I remember the bizarre story I read somewhere about Valentine’s Day in Japan – apparently, on that day, girls can give chocolates to the guys they like and they wait until March 14th because that is the White Day and it’s the day for giving response. I forgot exactly how it goes, but if the girl gets a handkerchief then it means she’s being rejected, where as a candy means he just wants to be friends. Or something like that.

Now, I don’t know about you, but one month of agonizing can leave me feeling almost suicidal. I mean, that’s probably why there are so many people committing suicides over there.

For God’s sake, even if you have been upfront and the guy thinks you are too aggressive, I say, move on and find someone else who can appreciate a gutsy woman because there are plenty of fish in the sea – and baby, he’s so not worth it.

To be or Not To Be

Watching one of my friends getting almost hsyterical over the fact that her boyfriend had to work on Saturday night ie. not being able to come to see her, really made me think how complicated one’s life could be when it comes to being in a relationship.

The thing that I dislike about being in a relationship is that you’ll start to care about someone else more than you do about yourself and you don’t even realise that you are doing it. Along with this, there are other things that are attached and somewhat connected to it – the feeling of wanting to depend on someone else, to see them all the time, hoping desperately for them to ring, always wanting to know where and how they are, etc etc.

I’m not being cynical about relationships because I’d been there myself and I had once been that hysterical girl who would cry over the phone because of some ridiculous case like the boyfriend putting the phone on silent and being completely unaware of me being slightly maniacal for miss-calling for the twelfth time and got no responses whatsoever.

When you get to this state, you might start asking yourself; Who the hell have I become to?

Tick as preferred:
a) an obsessive girlfriend
b) a green-eyed negative thinking monster
c) a crazy bag lady in twenty years time
d) all of the above

However, the most important question remains; Can you still be yourself when you are deeply, emotionally involved in a relationship?

No matter how hard you try to deny it, being in a relationship changes you, without you even realising it. It all depends on which one would you prefer; the old or the new you (the new obsessed, nearly-losing-her-mind you, more like).

When I’m not involved in a relationship, I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want and I don’t have to share it with anyone else. Then there is also that feeling of being independent, of not depending on anyone else. I don’t expect anyone to call me, nor do I have the obligation to call. No expectation about anything from anyone at all.

But does being in a relationship mean having expectations from your other half? Is it a lie when someone says, ‘I don’t expect anything from you – let’s just go with the flow”?

I personally think it is impossible not to have any certain expectations over your partners, even though when you meet them the first time you think they are all you have ever wanted from a person.

With this sort of delusional perception, we immediately think that’s how they really are and there can never be anything less than that. Until they stop being perfect and you get really confused and think, “Who is this person?”

Maybe being in a relationship is all about not wanting to be lonely. Or maybe it’s all about having someone else to talk to, and to care about and who would care about you.

Or maybe it’s because we simply crave that physical affection from other human beings.

In the meantime, I’m still spending my weekend with my devoted partner – the DVD player.

Alone in the Crowd

The highs and lows for today:

Highs>
Having Strawberry Sunday with Via at PI’s Maccas
Feeling the cool evening breeze on my way home
Finding out that my downloads were successfully completed when got home

Lows<
Being on the phone with unresponsive clients and having to talk to them for hours
Stuck in a non-airconditioned car on way to and from work

Very tired today. As usual, I’ve had my sleeping pattern stuffed up during the weekend and always failed in attempt to have enough sleep on Sunday evening so could function properly on Monday and not look like a walking zombie.

Even worse, was supposed to teach the Head of the General Attorney for the West Jakarta division this morning but when got to his office, he said to reschedule to three pm. Was fine by me, except that I was still flustered and sweating out like a madman since it was supposed to be my first in-house training and it happened to be a v. important client. Anyways, I didn’t end up teaching him because when our operator tried to reconfirm his appointment, she couldn’t get through to his numbers.

He looked pretty scary, by the way. And his personal office looked like something a hermit would’ve habitate in, since it was dark and gloomy with only his desk lamp and the television on, as opposed to the bright day light outside. Plus, the secretary, who happened to be watching some soap on TV, looked kind of weird just sitting on a desk next to his, her hand holding the remote control and her face a bit uptight.

Heck, if I were her I would be uptight too.

Apart from that, the whole day’s work was a bit slow and dragged on. Had some unresponsive clients and whenever this happened I got all paranoid and started thinking that I must be a terrible teacher.

Was catching Busway from Plaza Indonesia to the parking lot near Atmajaya – the usual spot where I carpooled back to West Bekasi freeway with other working-class people. It was getting dark outside and I had just finished having a Sundae with Via. I felt kind of dizzy with so many people on the bus and the funny smell that emanated from them and I was just watching the buildings through the window as the sky was getting darker when I noticed a Toyota car dealer that was brightly lit and surrounded by the freshly-out-of-factories cars.

Nothing really special about it I guess, but it reminded me of the neighbourhood I used to live in Melbourne. It was this suburb called Camberwell, which was sort of posh and had that family-atmosphere about it. Most of the houses were built Victorian style, and Collings street – the street where I lived – were just off Camberwell road, where there was a Toyota car dealer right in front.

I used to pass Camberwell road so many times since the tram went that way and the Toyota car dealer was such an odd, brightly lit building in a quiet neighborhood and it stood out even more during the evening. I remembered always seeing it when I got home from uni, thinking how funny the building and the cars around it looked, and how it was all dark and quiet and the only activity on that road would be the occassional tram that would pass or a couple of people walking their dogs around.

When I saw that Toyota car dealer through the Busway window, I felt as if I was forced to remember how life used to be back in Melbourne – how quiet the neighborhood was, how everyone was mostly home at six in the evening, probably having dinner and watching the Current Affairs on channel Seven.

I couldn’t remember exactly what I felt but it was v. close to loneliness.

Amongst the swarming number of people on the bus and the cars and motorcycles around me, I felt somewhat lost and alone. I missed Melbourne terribly, especially during those hours, even though it was so quite and so much of the opposite of what happened in Jakarta.

I kept thinking that life in Melbourne was so much like a dream and the shocking harshness of Indonesia brought me back to reality.

And I remembered how clear and cloudless the sky looked when the sun went down in Melbourne.