The X factor
One of my good friends kept telling me to stop comparing my current boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend.
Now why is that, you might wonder?
I thought that my ex was one of a kind. There was not a single thing about him that I would talk bad about and no matter what happened I would always have a place for him in my heart. We were involved in a very intense two-years relationship and we had known each other inside out upside down, mentally and physically, and to write it off as just another relationship in my life is not really that easy to do.
When I was with him, I was living in
He was the typical metrosexual man – willing to try new things, passionate with Japanese food and always ready for a night out in the city getting all dressed up even though we were only going to the movies. Yet he was also not the typical man – he was a lot more organized than I was. He was tidy, and he was meticulous in everything that he did and own, which made me feel sort of embarrassed for lacking in that department.
We had liked the same type of movies, we had been interested in the same things and we had been unique because we shared a language and jokes that no one else could understand.
That’s not to say that we didn’t have our fair shares of heartbreaks and tears. We had the on and off thing, we had the crying game, we had one of those argument that was so exhausting we actually forgot what we were arguing in the first place because we never got around to the conclusion.
Nevertheless, he was such a caring person who had always been there for me when I needed him and no matter how wrong or right I was, he would always take on my side. He was that kind of man.
But it all ended almost over a year ago. Long distance, different goals and objections, disappointment for not wanting to fight things through together and wanting to be understood when neither side had no clue what was really going on and the unknown factor of how it felt like being in each other’s position – all these things had made it all fallen apart.
Now that I’m with someone else, I know that he’s nothing like my ex.
That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Each of them appealed to me in different ways but what I didn’t realize was that I kept expecting my current man to have the same sort of qualities like the ones I had been accustomed with when I was with my ex. I couldn’t seem to find any explicit reasons why I kept doing this but it might be because the relationship that I had with my ex was an almost perfect one that I couldn’t help comparing things all the time, even though looking from all the facts, I am in a different country with a different language, custom and society, and the environment is never ever going to support me to remake any of that Meg Ryan-ish movie stuff that seemed so possible back then when I was in Melbourne.
And here I am, expecting men to like me for who I am because of my uniqueness and my characteristics when I am either generalizing them or expecting them to have the same standard of qualities being displayed by my ex.
My boyfriend is never going to be like my ex, and my ex had never been anything like my boyfriend.
And that is that.
Things were different then, and they will be different now, and I should come out of my comfort zone and step out to embrace things, whether or not they will end up being totally fantastic or disastrous. It’s not about being a coward, it’s not about not being able to get over my ex either, but it’s about being accepting.
Accepting that my relationship with my ex will remain a wonderful memory, and that every relationship is unique in its on way.
3 comments
Gal…I just so very love your writing because sometimes it’s like you read my mind.
It’s hard not to compare but as long as you realize that you SHOULDNT (yet you still are haha) then it’s okay I guess. Cos even though you’re comparing, you’re comparing them realistically.
Oh Irine..I love yours too, mwa mwa hehehe… Yeah, I’m trying very very hard not to compare but it’s just human nature I gez…
ther.. don’t feel guilty.. coz everybody does that.. bukan cuma lo kok. and.. u’ve only been with your current boyfriend not for long.. give him some time and chance to impress you..
)