The Indonesian Culture of Bantering

Why this is even a culture beats the shite out of me. From to the lamest to the most smart-arsed, it is an essential part of socializing in the grown-up world of social dos, special gatherings and workplaces.

I am never really good at it – in fact most often I’d just grimace and swallow the shame that I felt whenever someone bagged the crap out of me – be it mean or mild jokes. Quite frankly, I just don’t know how to retaliate them. Though I think like a writer, I am simply never prepared to throw out witty comments to outdo the ones that are attacking me. I usually come up with them later on – usually when I’m in the shower or doing other mundane things that make me think of other things in the back of my mind – and mentally kicking myself as well for not saying those things at the appropriate times and for being such a slow wit-cracker.

Nevertheless, it is never too late to learn. Everything starts from small things, and that is exactly what I do, and so I begin by saying small things first – Hey, if I can beat the guy who had bagged me yesterday in front of everyone about my macho walking habit by saying back to him that unlike me, he walked like he’d grown a set of female genitalia, such pride would I have! If I can make the whole table at luncheon piss in their pants laughing their heads off, what new found respect would I get!

Though these things are not meant to be easy learning, being surrounded by frightfully mean-spirited social banterers have taught me a thing or two and surprisingly, it gets easier once you get the hang of it.

All you gotta do is:

a) Enrich your vocabularies and try to think of ways to twist meanings of words and people’s names as often and as quick as you can, as much as possible. The more confusing and baffling they are, the better!

b) Practice the art of being mean – this is most important – without obviously meaning it, even if you actually do. The key is to get one person to laugh with you and no one would dare to protest. You get a supporter, and the rest will follow. And don’t ever say I’m not learning to be a power-tripping bitch.

c) Always be aware of other’s weakest point so you can use it against people and expose it to the public when they least expect it

It is undeniable, however, that keeping up with those things is a bit like trying to keep up with fashion – it’s ever changing, it’s ridiculous and tiring, and in the end, I really can’t be bothered because it’s not going to earn respect from others. I can’t imagine anyone at the end of the day going, “Look, she’s so witty with comeback comments, I can’t hardly wait to hear what she’s gotta say next!”

So the most smart-arsed thing to do is not to get carried away with it. I’m never good at keeping up with those things, and if people want to bag the crap out me, they are most welcome to do so. I’ve realized that I don’t want to stoop that low to be put in the same level as they are.

Truly, I am much more sophisticated than those useless eejits.