The Scary World of Dating

There was an episode in SATC where Carrie had become cynical and losing hope in the dating world and her good friend Charlotte had to drag her to a love seminar in hoping to bring back her optimism.

I’m in that Carrie stage now.

Except that in the episode, she was 36. And I’m 24. That’s 12 years earlier, in case you haven’t noticed. In any normal circumstances I would prefer not to be cynical and pessimistic when I am only in my twenties.

So in manner of a Carrie-voice-over, “I can’t help but wonder:” What is it about dating that made me feel less optimistic to a point where I become cynical?

Right now, I just can’t picture anything good about being in a relationship. Yes, I get a tad bit lonely sometimes, but still I prefer being lonely on my own rather than being lonely when I’m in a relationship.

Charlotte once complained, “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, I’m tired, where IS he???”

I might be the most un-Charlotte person in the world, but I have the same question looming around in my head for quite some time and it’s been going on in there for as long as I could remember.

Dating, for me, has become so tiring, so confusing and so much of an effort to work up to, and yet I don’t know whether it’s going to go for the long haul or die away like the others.

That’s the thing about dating – it’s so uncertain. It either lifts you up in a second or smash you down to the ground – or both. In most cases, both of them happen.

Like every other self-respecting women I know, I’ve been told that my standard in men is set just a bit too high for anyone’s liking. Which is why, apparently, I’m still single. Although I really don’t think so, really, it’s their standard that is set too low, but I’m an oddball so there you go. Well, I’m sorry, but I believe that Sinatra had a point when he sang “All or Nothing at all”. I don’t like going half-way or accepting something just because it’s available or because it’s second best, because in the end, it’s my happiness that’s being put on the front line and of course we all know that it takes two to tango. If I’m not happy then for sure the other party will be as unhappy as I am.

I fear that I’m starting to lose hope in searching for the one who is just right, the one who is the other part of me, the one who will be my next great love.

Ah yes. Love. See, that’s a tricky word right there. If anyone asked me whether I have been in love, I would say yes. And if they asked how many times, I would say once. And one is the number I’m sticking to, so far. And if anyone asked whatever happened to it, the only way that I can answer is by shrugging my shoulders and say that it didn’t work out. Which is just another way of saying “I don’t feel like explaining it to you because I don’t think you’ll get it”.

So yes, love turns out, doesn’t conquer all. It will be damn foolish to think so, because I’ve seen way too many relationships that started with love and end up with not much else. I’ve had three guys declared their loves to me. None of them quite lived up to the expectations.
Yes, of course it’s important; I’m not saying it isn’t. But it’s definitely, if not most certainly, not enough. It is a basic of a start of a relationship and if that’s all you got, then it’s barely sufficient.

And I really think that before you love someone you must be able to love yourself first.

As Carrie says, the most important relationship that you have is of you and yourself, “…and if you find someone who loves the you, you love, well that is just fabulous.”