A Letter To The Anti-Feminist

This is one particular thought that has been bothering my mind for quite a long time, and because it has recently become more visible, I have decided to bring it up once and for all.

I am sick of being discriminated just because I have a vagina. But the feeling becomes even more revolting when I see women who are attacking their own gender. For me, that is definitely something I cannot forgive.

We all know how difficult being a woman is – even in a modern city like Jakarta, where we can find growing numbers of career women who, day by day, are defying the traditional social deconstruction of what a woman should be. When ten years ago I still witnessed twenty five years olds on the verge of going through nervous breakdowns because they were yet to be married off, nowadays it’s more like: “I’m thirty four, I am single and successful, and I am enjoying my life. So sod off.”

Even though such attitude might be perceived as being arrogant, I simply see it as a way of building self-confidence.

God knows, women in this country needs it badly – after years and years of being stomped over by men who were brainwashed by their predecessors to disclose us as the less intelligent, second-class citizens who were only good for minding the house and raising the children, now that we are achieving our own independence and proving to the world that we are just as capable – if not more – as men, women are gradually becoming more aware of their talents and purposes in life.

Suddenly, life does not have to round up into just one goal: To find a good, preferably rich husband, get married off, have children and grow old. Of course there is nothing wrong with this ideal, because after all it has been imprinted on our minds since we were born that it is our destiny as the female being to start a family (even more of an obligation for us rather than the male, I think); but don’t we have the rights even to our own wombs? Don’t we have the rights to choose not to get married? Don’t we have the rights to remain single and pursue our dreams?

And now that we finally have the freedom to voice out our objections, there is a new form of war that independent women must fight – which is the fight against their own kind.

The kind who prefer to obey and go back to the patriarchal ways because they are too afraid to step out of their comfort zones. The kind who choose to take sides to chivalry because independent women are still out-numbered.
The kind who condemns women for being able to drive their own car, making their own money, succeeding in their own career and taking care of themselves without having to conform to the norm of the society.
The kind who instead of supporting, are feeling rather threatened by the new female revolution.
Simply put, these women are the kind who cannot make their own minds up because they have been used to be told what to do for so long, or even allow themselves to let men lead their lives around. Because if they are not, there is no reason why they must attack their own kind, isn’t it?

Recently I was surprised upon reading an article from a blog which was contributed by a woman who was saying that women in Jakarta were often sexually harassed because they were not dressed politely enough. She also wrote that female drivers were the worst out of all drivers. On top of that, she added that these same women were most likely shopaholics who frequent beauty spas to make themselves look more beautiful, and in the end concluding her last point that these women were using their physiques as a medium for marketing tools in promotional events at exhibitions.

Now I don’t know about you, but I personally have to disagree with those points.

First of all, even if we were dressed in burqas from head to toe, it still did not guarantee us from not being sexually harassed by men – those of you who have experienced this personally (and I’m sure you have, because what woman hasn’t? In the exception if she was butt ugly that even a dog would recoil just by looking at her) would definitely agree that covering up is not the prevention of sexual harassment, but it’s the weakness of the minds of men for not being able to contain their desire, which makes them act upon it.

Why is it that women in countries such as Singapore or Thailand are secure enough to get out of the house in tank tops and mini-skirts and not fearing that they will get raped? Because the minds of the men in those countries are well-educated enough to respect women in terms of what they want to wear and that to sexually harass women by judging the clothes they wear is an unquestionable sign of a weak character.

Now, for female being the worst driver – if it’s coming from the mouth of a man, isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? According to car insurance company such as insurance.com, they quote that many auto insurance industries are in fact requiring male drivers to pay more insurance because they have more tendencies to drive aggressively, which includes speeding and ignoring the risk of not using the safety belt, and the reason why there are increasing numbers of aggressive female drivers is because they have taken example of such bad habit displayed by men. As for being worst drivers, I take it that this term actually comes from a man who cannot tolerate the habit of a female driver who, instead of being less, is actually more cautious than men. As for me, I personally know for a fact that there are very excellent female drivers out there, such as my girlfriends, for example. We even struck up a discussion about the behavior of other (presumably, if not most probably, male) drivers who are unthinkably dangerous and reckless. Do women drive worse than men? Think again.

Not lets move on to the shopaholic label, shall we? If, say, you are a woman who makes your own money or even supplied by plentiful sources of money, wouldn’t it be a luxury to be able to spend it however you like it? If I were one of those women, I wouldn’t give a flying F if other people label me as a shopaholic. If you had the money, wouldn’t you love the freedom of being able to purchase what you want? Call me materialistic, call me consumtive, as long as this hobby is not disadvantaging, why should other people make such a fuss? Besides, even though we spend more, we are the ones who are well known for being the expert on bargaining (even the person who wrote the article admitted this, though oddly enough she made it sound as a negative trait of a woman) and getting the best price of everything.

Even though this is purely based on my assumption, I do not doubt that the person who wrote this article, provided if she actually was a woman herself, will not refuse to be in the position of those women which she labeled as being shopaholic. I don’t also doubt for a second that for a woman to conform to the male domination, they are also relying much heavily on the existence of the male being, this including money and the freedom to purchase whatever she desires. I hope that in the future there will be more financially independent women as opposed to less male-depending women, because apart from it being unhealthy, it puts your life in other person’s control. If he limits your spending, then you feel declined to ask for more, because you are living off a person who is financing you.

As for beauty spas, this goes without saying – what woman doesn’t like to pamper herself? Is it such a crime for her to want to look beautiful? If you are fugly, wouldn’t you want to make yourself appear better? Ever heard of the saying ‘when you look good, you feel good?’ before? Complain as you like, but we live in a judgmental world – first impression does count, however much you object to it.

And so we have come to the last ‘so-called’ depiction of a typical Jakartan female; women as a marketing/promotional tools. True, I have seen more women doubling as a crowd attraction/sales promotion in events such as car and computer exhibitions. These women are probably in their early twenties, still in college or on their way to graduating, so I assume they have less or no working experience whatsoever. The representation of a female, be it a painting of Monalisa or the curvaceous body of Marylin Monroe, is still, somehow a lot more attractive figure in the public, and if they are proven effective to attract the crowds, who are we to argue whether or not this is wrong or right?

Again, why are women always being the one judged for whatever it is they want to do? It takes a lot of guts wearing mini-skirts and tank tops in front of the male visitors who are staring at them lustily. But it takes even more guts for a woman to take the first steps on being independent and earning your first cash. Everyone has their moments, be it good or bad. What we should applaud is their courage to take the chance.

I admit I feel a wave of dissatisfaction after reading that article. For all the fight and struggle women have to endure, is that not enough that we are also getting the disapproving look from our own kind? I cannot help but asking to those women, do you know how it feels like for a girl? In this world (Yes, it’s a song by Madonna)? Is it really that much easier for them to give up and continue being discriminated, to give away the freedom women have been fighting for so long as a right that has been long overdue, and never finding out what it feels like to be given equal rights?

You may say I am taking things too seriously , but I refuse to give, not even a smallest bit of chance,for men to once again rule over me nor any woman, and for men to try telling me about what I should or should not do with my life.

To end this article, I would like to quote Susan Faludi’s words on Backlash;

“Because women’s hours on the stage is long, long overdue. Because, whatever new obstacles are mounted against the future march toward equality, whatever new myths invented, penalties levied, opportunities rescinded, or degradations imposed, no one can take from the [American] woman the justness of her cause.”