A Letter To The Anti-Feminist
This is one particular thought that has been bothering my mind for quite a long time, and because it has recently become more visible, I have decided to bring it up once and for all.
I am sick of being discriminated just because I have a vagina. But the feeling becomes even more revolting when I see women who are attacking their own gender. For me, that is definitely something I cannot forgive.
We all know how difficult being a woman is - even in a modern city like
Even though such attitude might be perceived as being arrogant, I simply see it as a way of building self-confidence.
God knows, women in this country needs it badly - after years and years of being stomped over by men who were brainwashed by their predecessors to disclose us as the less intelligent, second-class citizens who were only good for minding the house and raising the children, now that we are achieving our own independence and proving to the world that we are just as capable - if not more - as men, women are gradually becoming more aware of their talents and purposes in life.
Suddenly, life does not have to round up into just one goal: To find a good, preferably rich husband, get married off, have children and grow old. Of course there is nothing wrong with this ideal, because after all it has been imprinted on our minds since we were born that it is our destiny as the female being to start a family (even more of an obligation for us rather than the male, I think); but don’t we have the rights even to our own wombs? Don’t we have the rights to choose not to get married? Don’t we have the rights to remain single and pursue our dreams?
And now that we finally have the freedom to voice out our objections, there is a new form of war that independent women must fight - which is the fight against their own kind.
The kind who prefer to obey and go back to the patriarchal ways because they are too afraid to step out of their comfort zones. The kind who choose to take sides to chivalry because independent women are still out-numbered.
The kind who condemns women for being able to drive their own car, making their own money, succeeding in their own career and taking care of themselves without having to conform to the norm of the society.
The kind who instead of supporting, are feeling rather threatened by the new female revolution.
Simply put, these women are the kind who cannot make their own minds up because they have been used to be told what to do for so long, or even allow themselves to let men lead their lives around. Because if they are not, there is no reason why they must attack their own kind, isn’t it?
Recently I was surprised upon reading an article from a blog which was contributed by a woman who was saying that women in
Now I don’t know about you, but I personally have to disagree with those points.
First of all, even if we were dressed in burqas from head to toe, it still did not guarantee us from not being sexually harassed by men - those of you who have experienced this personally (and I’m sure you have, because what woman hasn’t? In the exception if she was butt ugly that even a dog would recoil just by looking at her) would definitely agree that covering up is not the prevention of sexual harassment, but it’s the weakness of the minds of men for not being able to contain their desire, which makes them act upon it.
Why is it that women in countries such as
Now, for female being the worst driver - if it’s coming from the mouth of a man, isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? According to car insurance company such as insurance.com, they quote that many auto insurance industries are in fact requiring male drivers to pay more insurance because they have more tendencies to drive aggressively, which includes speeding and ignoring the risk of not using the safety belt, and the reason why there are increasing numbers of aggressive female drivers is because they have taken example of such bad habit displayed by men. As for being worst drivers, I take it that this term actually comes from a man who cannot tolerate the habit of a female driver who, instead of being less, is actually more cautious than men. As for me, I personally know for a fact that there are very excellent female drivers out there, such as my girlfriends, for example. We even struck up a discussion about the behavior of other (presumably, if not most probably, male) drivers who are unthinkably dangerous and reckless. Do women drive worse than men? Think again.
Not lets move on to the shopaholic label, shall we? If, say, you are a woman who makes your own money or even supplied by plentiful sources of money, wouldn’t it be a luxury to be able to spend it however you like it? If I were one of those women, I wouldn’t give a flying F if other people label me as a shopaholic. If you had the money, wouldn’t you love the freedom of being able to purchase what you want? Call me materialistic, call me consumtive, as long as this hobby is not disadvantaging, why should other people make such a fuss? Besides, even though we spend more, we are the ones who are well known for being the expert on bargaining (even the person who wrote the article admitted this, though oddly enough she made it sound as a negative trait of a woman) and getting the best price of everything.
Even though this is purely based on my assumption, I do not doubt that the person who wrote this article, provided if she actually was a woman herself, will not refuse to be in the position of those women which she labeled as being shopaholic. I don’t also doubt for a second that for a woman to conform to the male domination, they are also relying much heavily on the existence of the male being, this including money and the freedom to purchase whatever she desires. I hope that in the future there will be more financially independent women as opposed to less male-depending women, because apart from it being unhealthy, it puts your life in other person’s control. If he limits your spending, then you feel declined to ask for more, because you are living off a person who is financing you.
As for beauty spas, this goes without saying - what woman doesn’t like to pamper herself? Is it such a crime for her to want to look beautiful? If you are fugly, wouldn’t you want to make yourself appear better? Ever heard of the saying ‘when you look good, you feel good?’ before? Complain as you like, but we live in a judgmental world - first impression does count, however much you object to it.
And so we have come to the last ’so-called’ depiction of a typical Jakartan female; women as a marketing/promotional tools. True, I have seen more women doubling as a crowd attraction/sales promotion in events such as car and computer exhibitions. These women are probably in their early twenties, still in college or on their way to graduating, so I assume they have less or no working experience whatsoever. The representation of a female, be it a painting of Monalisa or the curvaceous body of Marylin Monroe, is still, somehow a lot more attractive figure in the public, and if they are proven effective to attract the crowds, who are we to argue whether or not this is wrong or right?
Again, why are women always being the one judged for whatever it is they want to do? It takes a lot of guts wearing mini-skirts and tank tops in front of the male visitors who are staring at them lustily. But it takes even more guts for a woman to take the first steps on being independent and earning your first cash. Everyone has their moments, be it good or bad. What we should applaud is their courage to take the chance.
I admit I feel a wave of dissatisfaction after reading that article. For all the fight and struggle women have to endure, is that not enough that we are also getting the disapproving look from our own kind? I cannot help but asking to those women, do you know how it feels like for a girl? In this world (Yes, it’s a song by Madonna)? Is it really that much easier for them to give up and continue being discriminated, to give away the freedom women have been fighting for so long as a right that has been long overdue, and never finding out what it feels like to be given equal rights?
You may say I am taking things too seriously , but I refuse to give, not even a smallest bit of chance,for men to once again rule over me nor any woman, and for men to try telling me about what I should or should not do with my life.
To end this article, I would like to quote Susan Faludi’s words on Backlash;
“Because women’s hours on the stage is long, long overdue. Because, whatever new obstacles are mounted against the future march toward equality, whatever new myths invented, penalties levied, opportunities rescinded, or degradations imposed, no one can take from the [American] woman the justness of her cause.”
January 26th, 2008 at 12:58 am
women are the worst drivers?? take a look at the public transports’ drivers! helloooo angkot!
January 26th, 2008 at 7:13 am
hahaha…i was curious so i went to read her article. that was really humorous. that does make me think is she really being fair to us all? I have a friend who hardly wear sexy clothes and she is always alert in a public transport but she got harassed by a guy anyway. and i totally agree with u…why in other countries guys don’t stare at u with that lusty looks while in here they just won’t stop to judge u by how u dress…does it mean one who dresses skimpily is a slut? No way!!! Bener2 pendapat yg aneh sekali.
well, i’m not going to list out all but i definitely disagree with all she wrote there. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with the way u convey your disapprovement?? I see nothing wrong with that. Just a normal comment when someone shares his/her different point of view. I see nothing rude. But I guess it just shows how much she wants respect and whoever agrees with her is open minded and who doesn’t isn’t. She sounded far more polite there than when she left a comment here. Should let others see it for themselves her true colors.
I’m not siding u coz u are my friend but she’s really way off key with her article there. Her point of view is soo, sooo out of date.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Hey there. Good article. I can understand how you feel towards the issue, and I don’t think I have the right to blame you for that.
But when you said that “I am sick of being discriminated just because I have a vagina” that’s a bit vague. Don’t get trapped in a feminist dualism. But, I support the idea behind it.
And, about the link that you put about how women in America pay less insurance, I think it requires a deeper analysis. The traffic condition in America is so different from what we have in Jakarta. Women who have better emotional condition, find it easy to drive in America: No ojek, no bemo, bajaj, angkot, and others. And they’re not tempted to overspeed. While men are more risk takers, they tend to drive more miles, faster, and they drink more alcohol. The kind of driving recklessness that Yonna pointed out is more like basic driving ability such as to park a car or else. If such insurance policy was implemented in Jakarta, do you still think women would pay less?
This comment is not meant to defend Yonna, I think this article is worth reading. But you may wanna change your tone when you point out your disagreement.
cheers.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Btw, what I meant by changing ur tone of disagreement was that you should’ve eliminated your so-called anger in the article, or at least hidden it in a delicate way. That way your article would be much more beautiful.Just some thoughts
I hope you don’t get mad. It’s nice to know you.
Cheers.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
@Cn: Exactly what I thought
@Ivy: Maybe my straightforwardness is too extreme for some people, who knows? I admit I was pretty surprised by the effect my comment had on her that it made her take the time to paste it on my blog too. I wrote that comment because I knew a lot of women in Jakarta would disagree with those points.
@Guebukanmonyet: Thank you for visiting my blog and taking the time to read my article
The reason why I went to jakartabutuhrevolusibudaya.com was that it was mentioned in Jakarta Post so I assumed it had been intended for the public. Kisah Perempuan Jakarta was an interesting title, which was why I decided to read it. But I was disappointed by it because it did not represent what the title meant, and those points were generalising and perceived as a one-sided opinion. There were no facts to back up her points and no further explanations behind them, which resulted for the whole thing to be conveyed as a negative reflection on women. I don’t think that article can start a culture revolution, because isn’t that the whole intention in the first place? The website had a good purpose but the content should be just as good as it is read by many different levels of people.
Perhaps it is difficult for men to understand why some women like me can feel so angry, ‘just because I have a vagina’. I cannot stress how discriminating it is for us to be treated differently just because of our gender.
I know some friends who wore jilbab (the long kind that falls down to the waist) and they often told me they had to hide a pin in their headscarf because whenever they caught the bus, there would always be some men trying to harass them, so they used those pins as a weapon. This is a sad story told by a woman’s perspective; she can cover up so much and still be treated as a sexual object, just because men are so used to doing it and get away from it.
Of course I am not mad. The purpose of my article was written to open up the minds of women. Even in countries like the U.S women are still not fully liberated, which is why I think someone has to start somehow.
Try to see it from a different point of view and understand what it feels like to be a woman.
January 27th, 2008 at 1:52 am
@therry: i agree wif you. in singapore and hongkong many gals use minishort/miniskirt and tanktops, yet no boys staring at them. i think it’s in the way a man taught in their family, (or perhaps in their religion but i wont go into that now :D).
@guebukanmonyet: am i the one who’s stupid or you guys are superdupersensitive cuz until now i dont see anything in therry’s comment that can offend you or yonna in any way. i dont think therry’s rude, she’s just being straightforward and maybe you guys just doesnt used to have a straightforward opinion. i think you guys are the ones who need to have a “revolusi budaya”, and that is in perceiving other people’s opinion.
nb. sorry for my terrible english ya ^^
January 28th, 2008 at 2:25 am
Ther, di Singapore banyak loh yang pake baju seksi, celana pendek sampe rok mini. Tapi kayaknya biasa aja… Menurut aku tergantung pribadilah…
January 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Greetings from Melbourne.
I’ve just recently read your blog and JBRB. Knowing that you happened to live in Melbourne for quite a while, I can understand and even appreciate your view points. Based on this fact too, I can’t really blame you just as much as I cant blame JBRB for having the rather conservative view even towards your own kind (women) because for me: I see that most Indonesians: they are too accustomed to the classic doctrine that females are inferior beings.
What I’m trying to say is: I believe that yonna of JBRB is in a state of shock, yes — your post had most probably jolted her and some members of her community. But I’d say it’s a good kind of shock, more like a wake up call. I sincerely hope that her being defensive is just an initial reaction and not an ongoing behavior that hampers her own development and exploration.
Your view pretty much reflects how most Aussies (and me) feel about this: http://tinyurl.com/37wrrj
My fiance was the one who asked me to read your blog, and I found that she’s quite right: it’s enjoyable to read~ and your ideas and views go quite well with me. I like independent women who loves being independent, thus I love and proud of my fiance. Being independent: she’s smart, wise and because of this fact — I know I can share my ideas and ask for her opinion (and yes, I admit that she’s a safer and smarter driver than I am).
And thus I say to you ladies: be independent ! No, being married does not necessarily makes you a mindless dependant. Independence for me~ is the state of mind: the ability to reason and make a decision (not being made into).
I need my fiance just like a good government needs a formidible opponent (which the current Aussie Liberal+Nationals is certainly not !!).
January 31st, 2008 at 5:14 pm
@ivan: hus…hus… don’t be so angry lar hehehe … bener kata @lisan, tergantung kepribadian aja.. nah kalo di Indo itu kebanyakan pribadi yang baik atau buruk?
@yoga: wow, your fiance reads my blog? Who is this fabulous person, then, do introduce me!
I’ve read the link you showed me - that’s atrocious. But I guess if that happened in Indonesia no one would even care because it has become so ordinary for women to be mistreated all the time.
Thank you for the encouragement, we need more guys like you around!
February 20th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I agree with you. I can’t even get out of the street in Jakarta without getting cat called.
And as for girls who get raped/sexually assualted because of the way they dress is NOT true. In fact when they interview sexual assaulters, they don’t remember how the victim dressed.
February 24th, 2008 at 5:54 am
Therry,
You got some points. It’s not easy not to be subjective when talking about sexual harassment by men and the way women dress. Endless discussion.
I am in the JBRB community. And I, too, found it uneasy to read some points Yonna wrote. But I have to agree with Guebukanmonyet (this is purely my opinion), that your article has a bit sense of, sorry, anger.
I’m a man, you’re a woman. Let’s not put this burden on one of our shoulders. To me, it’s both of the way women and men act.
It might be true that in Singapore and Thailand women can go out with tanktop safely without sexual harassment. Yet, in downtown Baltimore, similarly dressed female students got rapped. My friend had to equipped his gf with a pepper spray, here in the US.
You have nice articles. A softer way would make them more delightful
I would love to have a discussion with you. Gonna be fun ^_^
Ian
randomworld.wordpress.com
February 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
@Ian:
Yes, me the angry woman!
Wow, if a girl in a country like the U.S cannot even walk around freely despite of the rep of the country giving equal opportunity for women, imagine how it is in Indonesia!
Recently Elyani also pointed out how a college girl in Binus who just finished her classes, got followed and gang-raped and after reading the news at detik.com, there was this idiot who commented ‘it’s her fault for still wandering around at 10 in the evening by herself.’
It seems like there is always a reason for a girl to be raped and it’s always her fault, no matter what.
I’m browsing your blog right now!
February 27th, 2008 at 4:51 am
Well ya, how is it in Indonesia…
Saya tidak setuju dengan selalu menyalahkan pihak korban (mostly wanita). Tapi kedua belah pihak wajib untuk selalu waspada juga. Maka ada baiknya kalau wanita dibekali kemampuan beladiri.
Begini, sebenarnya perkosaan terhadap pria bukan tidak mungkin. Sounds silly memang, tapi mungkin kan? Knp yang terjadi sebaliknya, karena kita sudah terprogram sedemikian rupa untuk berpikir dan bertindak demikian.
Cewek yang masih di luar rumah sampai jam 10 dipandang kurang baik. Dan cewek dipandang sebagai pasif (objek) dalam kejahatan. Tapi jangan salahkan Indonesia. Di Amerika pun seperti ini. Kalau ada cewek keluyuran jam 10 malam sendirian dan jadi korban kejahatan, tidak sepenuhnya si cewek bebas tak bersalah. Si penjahat akan diadili, si cewek akan “dinasehati”.
Kenapa? Karena kita sudah terprogram untuk berpikir bahwa cewek tidak semestinya begini, mestinya begitu. Kalau dari dulu gender role ini sudah sama dengan pria, mungkin akan tidak sedikit juga kejahatan terhadap pria yang dilakukan oleh wanita. Mungkin.
Pilihannya:
1. Bekali wanita dengan beladiri (apapun)
2. Wanita jangan pergi malam sendirian kalau tidak terpaksa
3. Rombak cara berpikir masyarakat (dunia, bukan cuma Indonesia atau Jakarta).
4. Program pria untuk berpikir dan berindak seperti wanita, sehingga tidak muncul keberanian untuk melakukan kejahatan.
Plus mostly wanita kan masih lebih konservatif drpd pria (cuma nebak, aplg populasi wanita leih besar). Nah, untuk memulai sesuatu yang baik saja sudah dihadang perasaan malu aplg untuk sebuah kejahatan. Kebalikannya dengan pria. Meski sudah jelas saling suka tapi belum ngomong, cewek biasanya cenderung menunggu untuk ditembak kan? Sudah berapa banyak cewek yang nembak duluan?
Pacaran sudah lama dan sudah tau ingin menikah, si wanita masih nunggu untuk dilamar kan (biasanya)? Kenapa nunggu si pria yang ngomong? Say it up front. Ini berarti wanita mendukung konsep perbedaan peran pria-wanita kan?
Masalah ini lebih dari sekedar “there is always a reason for a girl to be raped and it’s always her fault, no matter what”. Hukuman pidana bagi si penjahat (pria) tampaknya belum cukup untuk menebus kejahatan yang dirasakan oleh wanita ditambah fakta bahwa si wanita juga masih diceramahi dalam keadaan yg demikian.
Hukuman mati bagi pelaku perkosaan bisa mengurungkan niat pelaku kejahatan?
November 9th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Uh… You do know that our 5th President had a vagina right? I could be wrong, but isn’t that what’s been missing from all the US presidents in history?
I support the empowerment of women 1000%. I really do. It’s just that I like Ibu Kartini’s version of empowerment better. She felt that Women then (and now) were treated as the lesser sex and she sought to rectify it. She fought for Women’s right to education, legal equality, autonomy etc. She built schools and foundation to empower women and in turn enabling them to have a more active role in society. And she did it in a sympathetic, non-combative way that won the hearts of the people and immortalized her name in Indonesia’s history.
What probably differentiate her with western feminists was the fact that she recognized the fundamental differences between the two sexes. She believed that in order to achieve harmony, the two sexes needed to be equal partners with DIFFERENT roles. That’s different and NOT less.
Women are the worst drivers? Not true, my Mom drives better than most men.
I agree with you that women should be able to roam the streets safely at night without being afraid of getting raped. But the fact remains: Any man can physically overpower a woman with little effort. So unless the woman is a martial artist or is carrying a gun, taking a midnight stroll would be extremely ill-advised.
I like the quote at the end of your article and I somewhat agree with it. Allow me to share a quote from a rather different perspective:
“The more legal and material hindrances women have broken through, the more strictly and heavily and cruelly images of female beauty have come to weigh upon us…During the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing specialty…pornography became the main media category, ahead of legitimate films and records combined, and thirty-three thousand American women told researchers that they would rather lose ten to fifteen pounds than achieve any other goal…More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before; but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers.”
-Naomi Wolf-