The White Phony

I truly loathe wedding receptions. Truly. And I loathe it even more when my dad asks me to go to it. But what I hate the most is the fact that I don’t have the heart to say “No, I don’t want to go, can you go by yourself?” to my dad, who conveniently went off to his hunting trip while he ordered me to attend the party on his behalf.

There is a weird give-and-receive system of this whole party scheme; My dad asked me to go, just so I could put my name on the guest book, received the little thingamajig wedding souvenir, and in the future, when it’s my turn (or my brother’s, if such miracle can happen) to have a wedding party, it is the inviter’s turn to feel the pressure to attend to it.

But I must ask you this: Do you seriously, honestly, whole-heartedly, enjoy wedding parties?

Do realize it’s the one where you have to try on about ten different outfits before you can finally decide that it’s not the dress that people will recognize from the previous parties you have attended earlier, and it’s the one where you have to wear high heels and develop bruises because you have to eat standing up.

Because no matter what I wear, I always get the downright judgmental once over that girls give to me at every wedding parties I ever attend. It’s the kind where you’re chewing on your fifth satay sticks and realize that an absolute unknown girl is staring at you up and down as if to say, “Do you really have to wear that kind of dress?” and even though she knows that I know that she’s staring, it’s still happening, and it’s not really helping either that she is wearing what one can hardly pass off as a wedding party attire (white shirt, black skirt? Are you waitressing, dear?), and that’s just one. If you’re curious of what I’m wearing to receive such looks, feel free to imagine the dress on the left, only in muted brown and without the glitters and the holes on the breasts area.

And there will always, always be, some elderly lech who’s as old as my dad, openly ogling me in the most impolite manner ever. Never mind that my beau is standing right next to me, on his way to his second helping of the traditional meatball dish from the nearby stall.

And it seems that you can always spot either one or two types of people described in Benny & Mice’s 100 Tokoh Jakarta (if you haven’t got the book, you should, because it will make you laugh so much you’ll piss your pants); it’s like the whole ballroom is exploded with caricature characters that are hilarious and worthy to be laughed at. Hey, I might be one of them too, if the stares I get from some people is anything to go by. But I’d like to think I’m a normal type who is nothing like the pretentious people who seem to enjoy being anything but themselves.

As I was sulking in the corner with a plate of carefully selected dim-sums on my plate, I asked my beau for the point of this whole wedding party, and his theory was that it was designed as one of those ways people do to update their social status.

Ha! I look around and start hearing conversations coming in from every directions that are nothing far from these subjects:

- Business talk. As in; how’s work? Oh, I’ve been promoted, yeah I’ve a bigger salary than you, hahaha. Nevermind that I lick my boss’ ass everyday for it to happen but how about yourself? Ah, I’m fine. Yeah, just opened my own business, I’m in a different league altogether, and you’re still an employee? How sad.

- Family talk #1. My son is much smarter than yours. No, my daughter has higher IQ than yours. And she’s only ten! Well I’ve entered my son into an international school where they all speak English which in turn forces me to enroll into the local English institute just so I can understand what he’s talking about.

- Family Talk #2. When are you getting married? clock’s ticking you know. Can’t be a career woman all your life. What’s that? Oh you’re busy? Well aren’t well all busy, but look at your cousin, she’s already well settled, on her way to her second child! Thirty is the latest age, you know, you really shouldn’t wait!

- Women’s talk. Ooh, I’ve got this bag at a designer sale, so cheap you know, only ten million, can you believe it? Yes, isn’t it lovely? I’ve also got my hair done at so-and-so salon, it’s the best! You’ve really got to try it! Bushy and big, bird-nest hairstyle is all the rage right now, you know? Ooh, by the way, do you know that so-and-so is getting divorced/a boob job/a liposuction/a face-lift/fill in the blanks?

And if any of you would like to add to the list, feel free to do so. For all I know, people hold wedding parties because they want to celebrate and be happy, but now, instead of making the invited to enjoy the event, they simply make them to dread it. Well, I do. It’s hideous, it’s tiring and it’s phony.

Why do we have to eat, standing up? And why do those women have such big hair? Is this really in, I mean is this what we’re doing now? And why do those men wear their shirt collar over their suits? Are they pimps? And do people actually make use of the wedding souvenirs that are given in exchange of the ambiguous amount of money in the envelope that each guest must produce in order to get one? And what about the crazy MC with Koes Hendratmo hair who’s totally anything but funny? Do those newlyweds actually know all the people who have been invited because I sure as hell bet they put on very fake smiles when it comes the time to greet them. Take the last party I just attended; I don’t even know who those people are, because they are my dad’s friend, not mine!

So why am I the only one suffering from it? Am I strange? Do I have an allergy to this type of event or am I simply not cut out for the phony scene? Or maybe, I should just stop attending wedding parties altogether.

But that’s not a possible option. Right?

My Blog is R-rated!

Got this funny little thing from Elyani’s blog. Apparently mine is an R-rated one because I use a lot of ass, shit and crappy in my postings. Yes, I’m that classy. And there you go, I just used those words again.

Though I have to disagree with crappy being a swear word – it’s just a nicer, much polite version of the word shit.

Anyway, here it is.

Now it’s your turn to check yours!

Is Nokia Scamming Me Off?

So I couldn’t use my CDMA Nokia mobile because I couldn’t get the security code right.

I tried all the numbers I could think of; my birthday, his birthday, my dog’s birthday, our anniversary, but all of them worked to no avail. I was going to switch providers from Fren to Esia (because Esia users could text message for free!) but the sodding security code prevented me from doing it. I couldn’t figure out whether it was just playing up on me or I had just totally forgotten about the code.

Himself, who’d obviously heard my complain, asked around his workmates and the word was that apparently you could get it fixed at mobile counters that gave mobile services. I remembered vaguely that my friend Ivan also mentioned the same thing, thought I seemed to conveniently forgot that he meant to bring it to Roxy – the biggest, most complete and notoriously famous mobile centre.

Since it was impossible for me to go to Roxy (mostly because I couldn’t be fucked, it was too far and being stuck in a traffic jam was not my ideal way of spending the day), I decided to go to the shopping centre next door, and stopped over a couple of mobile service counters, but as soon as they knew it was a CDMA, they all grimaced, shook their heads and showed a ‘no go on this one’ look on their faces.

“We don’t do security code. Sorry.” sez one.

“You ought to go to the Nokia Service Centre.” sez two.

With a resigned look I finally yielded to my destiny – I headed to the Nokia Service Centre and braced myself – body and soul – to have enough patience being bollocked and forced to join the offensively long queue just so I could get my phone working.

And a long queue it was – which was funny, since Nokia was a very well-known brand, especially in Indonesia. HP sejuta umat, was what people say. I personally detested Nokia phones but back then, their CDMA phones were the cheapest in line, and moreover, that mobile was given from himself when we started going out, just so we could spend hours talking on the phone without having the risk of getting heart attacks after seeing the bill at the end of the month. It had a nice, nostalgic memory behind it and I didn’t want it to die on me.

After waiting for about an hour, my number was finally up, and I explained my problem to the woman at the counter. Once again, I got the grimace. Then she said, “Lemme just check whether we can fix it because it’s a CDMA.”, and I was like, “Hello? You’re Nokia Service Centre, you’re supposed to be able to fix a simple problem like resetting a code! You guys, like, invented those things in the first place!”

When she came back, she told me that I had to let my phone stay the night since it might take a while to get it fixed and they didn’t want to let me wait in uncertainty, so I thought, fair enough, until she told me that it would cost me Rp. 100,000.-

Fuck.

I mean, how hard was it to reset a code? I’m sorry if I sounded ignorant, but if there was any Nokia service dude reading this post, I’d really love to know how you could charge a person that much money just for something so menial. Surely you must have an extensive collection of softwares to hack into any mobile systems? You could have just hooked it up to a cable, run some programs and you’re done, right?

The good news was that I didn’t have to queue on the next day, but it didn’t do much difference – I was still waiting. For a very long time. And even when my name was finally called, they told me to wait for another fifteen minutes because the guys in the back were still checking my phone. Instead of screaming in agony, I chose not to say anything, walked out and go straight to the nearest bookstore to vent out all the anger I had in me by spending my money on books.

Precisely fifteen minutes later, I came back, and waited for another twenty minutes – I swear I almost grew a beard from all that waiting – when I was finally called again to the counter. This time it was a different woman, who was a bit nicer but nevertheless very unhelpful.

“We have to send your mobile to our head office because apparently the signal is not working. We have tested it with different cards and the we couldn’t get any signals, so it might be the hardware that’s damaged.”

Appalled, I protested, “But there was nothing wrong with the signal! It was working when I was using my Fren card. I just couldn’t get into the security code!”

“Oh, we managed to reset the security code, but now the signal on your phone is not working, so we have to send it to the head office, and if there are any additional charges you willl be notified immediately.”

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Additional charges? What if it costed more than the actual price of the phone? the signal was fine when i brought it in, and now they told me it wasn’t working?

In the end I told her that I’d rather have my phone back, no signal and all. The good thing was that she only charged me Rp. 25,000, but I was still pissed off.

Now I have to find a mobile service counters to get the signal working. And the whole point of switching providers in the first place was only because I wanted to save money. Instead, I ended up spending money just because of the sodding security code.

I am never using that damned feature again, and I make damn sure I will never use any Nokia phones again – ever!

In Memory of Edison Chen

May he rest in peace.

PS: Thanks Deb for her idea adding that “in the ass” bit.

This Woman Kicks Ass

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me. God bless him, as I am seriously the most ignorant person in the world when it comes to the news, especially local ones, that if someone as much as mentioned Siti Fadilah to my face I wouldn’t have a single clue had it not been for the e-mail that connected me to the real world.

Menteri Kesehatan Siti Fadilah Supari bikin gerah WHO dan Pemerintah Amerika Serikat

Fadilah berhasil menguak konspirasi AS dan badan kesehatan dunia itu dalam mengembangkan senjata biologi dari virus flu burung, Avian influenza (H5N1). Setelah virus itu menyebar dan menghantui dunia, perusahaan-perusahaan dari negara maju memproduksi vaksin lalu dijual ke pasaran dengan harga mahal di negara berkembang, termasuk Indonesia .

Fadilah menuangkannya dalam bukunya berjudul Saatnya Dunia Berubah! Tangan Tuhan di Balik Virus Flu Burung.

Selain dalam edisi Bahasa Indonesia, Siti juga meluncurkan buku yang sama dalam versi Bahasa Inggris dengan judul It’s Time for the World to Change.

Konspirasi tersebut, kata Fadilah, dilakuakn negara adikuasa dengan cara mencari kesempatan dalam kesempitan pada penyebaran virus flu burung. “Saya mengira mereka mencari keuntungan dari penyebaran flu burung dengan menjual vaksin ke negara kita,” ujar Fadilah kepada Persda Network di Jakarta, Kamis (21/2).

Situs berita Australia, The Age, mengutip buku Fadilah dengan mengatakan, Pemerintah AS dan WHO berkonpirasi mengembangkan senjata biologi dari penyebaran virus avian H5N1 atau flu burung dengan memproduksi senjata biologi.

Karena itu pula, bukunya dalam versi bahasa Inggris menuai protes dari petinggi WHO. “Kegerahan itu saya tidak tanggapi. Kalau mereka gerah, monggo mawon.Betul apa nggak, mari kita buktikan. Kita bukan saja dibikin gerah, tetapi juga kelaparan dan kemiskinan. Negara-negara maju menidas kita, lewat WTO, lewatFreeport , dan lain-lain. Coba kalau tidak ada kita sudah kaya,” ujarnya.

Fadilah mengatakan, edisi perdana bukunya dicetak masing-masing 1.000 eksemplar untuk cetakan bahasa Indonesia maupun bahasa Inggris. Total sebanyak 2.000 buku.

“Saat ini banyak yang meminta jadi dalam waktu dekat saya akan mencetak cetakan kedua dalam jumlah besar. Kalau cetakan pertama dicetak penerbitan kecil, tapi untuk rencana ini, saya sedang mencari bicarakan dengan penerbitan besar,” katanya. Selain mencetak ulang bukunya, perempuan kelahiran Solo, 6 November 1950, mengatakan telah menyiapkan buku jilid kedua.

“Saya sedang menulis jilid kedua. Di dalam buku itu akan saya beberkan semua bagaimana pengalaman saya. Bagaimana saya mengirimkan 58 virus, tetapi saya dikirimkan virus yang sudah berubah dalam bentuk kelontongan. Virus yang saya kirimkan dari Indonesia diubah-ubah Pemerintahan George Bush,” ujar menteri kesehatan pertama Indonesia dari kalangan perempuan ini.

Siti enggan berkomentar tentang permintaan Presiden Susilo Bambang Yudhoyonoyang memintanya menarik buku dari peredaran. “Bukunya sudah habis. Yang versi bahasa Indonesia, sebagian, sekitar 500 buku saya bagi-bagikan gratis, sebagian lagi dijual ditoko buku. Yang bahasa Inggris dijual,” katanya sembari mengatakan, tidak mungkin lagi menarik buku dari peredaran.

Pemerintah AS dikabarkan menjanjikan imbalan peralatan militer berupa senjata berat atau tank jika Pemerintah RI bersedia menarik buku setebal 182 halaman itu.

Mengubah Kebijakan

Apapun komentar pemerintah AS dan WHO, Fadilah sudah membikin sejarah dunia. Gara-gara protesnya terhadap perlakuan diskriminatif soal flu burung, AS dan WHO sampai-sampai mengubah kebijakan fundamentalnya yang sudah dipakai selama 50 tahun.

Perlawanan Fadilah dimulai sejak korban tewas flu burung mulai terjadi di Indonesia pada 2005.

Majalah The Economist London menempatkan Fadilah sebagai tokoh pendobrak yang memulai revolusi dalam menyelamatkan dunia dari dampak flu burung. “Menteri Kesehatan Indonesia itu telah memilih senjata yang terbukti lebih berguna daripada vaksin terbaik dunia saat ini dalam menanggulangi ancaman virus flu burung, yaitu transparansi, ” tulis The Economist.

The Economist, seperti ditulis Asro Kamal Rokan di Republika, edisi pekan lalu, mengurai, Fadilah mulai curiga saat Indonesia juga terkena endemik flu burung 2005 silam.

Ia kelabakan. Obat tamiflu harus ada. Namun aneh, obat tersebut justru diborong negara-negara kaya yang tak terkena kasus flu burung. Di tengah upayanya mencari obat flu burung, dengan alasan penentuan diagnosis, WHO melalui WHO Collaborating Center (WHO CC) di Hongkong memerintahkannya untuk menyerahkan sampel spesimen.

Mulanya, perintah itu diikuti Fadilah. Namun, ia juga meminta laboratorium litbangkes melakukan penelitian. Hasilnya ternyata sama. Tapi, mengapa WHO CC meminta sampel dikirim ke Hongkong?

Fadilah merasa ada suatu yang aneh. Ia terbayang korban flu burung di Vietnam. Sampel virus orang Vietnam yang telah meninggal itu diambil dan dikirim ke WHO CC untuk dilakukan risk assessment, diagnosis, dan kemudian dibuat bibit virus. Dari bibit virus inilah dibuat vaksin. Dari sinilah, ia menemukan fakta, pembuat vaksin itu adalah perusahaan-perusaha an besar dari negara maju, negara kaya, yang tak terkena flu burung.

Mereka mengambilnya dari Vietnam, negara korban, kemudian menjualnya ke seluruh dunia tanpa izin. Tanpa kompensasi. Fadilah marah. Ia merasa kedaulatan, harga diri, hak, dan martabat negara-negara tak mampu telah dipermainkan atas dalih Global Influenza Surveilance Network (GISN) WHO. Badan ini sangat berkuasa dan telah menjalani praktik selama 50 tahun. Mereka telah memerintahkan lebih dari 110 negara untuk mengirim spesimen virus flu ke GISN tanpa bisa menolak. Virus itu menjadi milik mereka, dan mereka berhak memprosesnya menjadi vaksin.

Di saat keraguan atas WHO, Fadilah kembali menemukan fakta bahwa para ilmuwan tidak dapat mengakses data sequencing DNA H5N1 yang disimpan WHO CC. Data itu, uniknya, disimpan di Los Alamos National Laboratoty di New Mexico, AS.

Di sini, dari 15 grup peneliti hanya ada empat orang dari WHO, selebihnya tak diketahui. Los Alamos ternyata berada di bawah Kementerian Energi AS. Di lab inilah duhulu dirancang bom atom Hiroshima. Lalu untuk apa data itu, untuk vaksin atau senjata kimia?

Fadilah tak membiarkan situasi ini. Ia minta WHO membuka data itu. Data DNA virus H5N1 harus dibuka, tidak boleh hanya dikuasai kelompok tertentu.

Ia berusaha keras. Dan, berhasil. Pada 8 Agustus 2006, WHO mengirim data itu. Ilmuwan dunia yang selama ini gagal mendobrak ketertutupan Los Alamos, memujinya.

Majalah The Economist menyebut peristiwa ini sebagai revolusi bagi transparansi. Tidak berhenti di situ. Siti Fadilah terus mengejar WHO CC agar mengembalikan 58 virus asal Indonesia, yang konon telah ditempatkan di Bio Health Security, lembaga penelitian senjata biologi Pentagon.

Ini jelas tak mudah. Tapi, ia terus berjuang hingga tercipta pertukaran virus yang adil, transparan, dan setara.

Ia juga terus melawan dengan cara tidak lagi mau mengirim spesimen virus yang diminta WHO, selama mekanisme itu mengikuti GISN, yang imperialistik dan membahayakan dunia.

Dan, perlawanan itu tidak sia-sia. Meski Fadilah dikecam WHO dan dianggap menghambat penelitian, namun pada akhirnya dalam sidang Pertemuan Kesehatan Sedunia di Jenewa Mei 2007, International Government Meeting (IGM) WHO akhirnya menyetujui segala tuntutan Fadilah, yaitu sharing virus disetujui dan GISN dihapuskan.

Other online sources can also be found here:

Siti Fadilah’s Profile

Perlawanan Siti Fadilah Supari

Siti Fadilah For President (funny title but trust me, it’s still related.)

Menhan AS Bantah Minta Buku Siti Fadilah Ditarik

The inserted article above was courtesy of Sehat Group mailing list.