The White Phony
I truly loathe wedding receptions. Truly. And I loathe it even more when my dad asks me to go to it. But what I hate the most is the fact that I don’t have the heart to say “No, I don’t want to go, can you go by yourself?” to my dad, who conveniently went off to his hunting trip while he ordered me to attend the party on his behalf.
There is a weird give-and-receive system of this whole party scheme; My dad asked me to go, just so I could put my name on the guest book, received the little thingamajig wedding souvenir, and in the future, when it’s my turn (or my brother’s, if such miracle can happen) to have a wedding party, it is the inviter’s turn to feel the pressure to attend to it.
But I must ask you this: Do you seriously, honestly, whole-heartedly, enjoy wedding parties?
Do realize it’s the one where you have to try on about ten different outfits before you can finally decide that it’s not the dress that people will recognize from the previous parties you have attended earlier, and it’s the one where you have to wear high heels and develop bruises because you have to eat standing up.
Because no matter what I wear, I always get the downright judgmental once over that girls give to me at every wedding parties I ever attend. It’s the kind where you’re chewing on your fifth satay sticks and realize that an absolute unknown girl is staring at you up and down as if to say, “Do you really have to wear that kind of dress?” and even though she knows that I know that she’s staring, it’s still happening, and it’s not really helping either that she is wearing what one can hardly pass off as a wedding party attire (white shirt, black skirt? Are you waitressing, dear?), and that’s just one. If you’re curious of what I’m wearing to receive such looks, feel free to imagine the dress on the left, only in muted brown and without the glitters and the holes on the breasts area.
And there will always, always be, some elderly lech who’s as old as my dad, openly ogling me in the most impolite manner ever. Never mind that my beau is standing right next to me, on his way to his second helping of the traditional meatball dish from the nearby stall.
And it seems that you can always spot either one or two types of people described in Benny & Mice’s 100 Tokoh Jakarta (if you haven’t got the book, you should, because it will make you laugh so much you’ll piss your pants); it’s like the whole ballroom is exploded with caricature characters that are hilarious and worthy to be laughed at. Hey, I might be one of them too, if the stares I get from some people is anything to go by. But I’d like to think I’m a normal type who is nothing like the pretentious people who seem to enjoy being anything but themselves.
As I was sulking in the corner with a plate of carefully selected dim-sums on my plate, I asked my beau for the point of this whole wedding party, and his theory was that it was designed as one of those ways people do to update their social status.
Ha! I look around and start hearing conversations coming in from every directions that are nothing far from these subjects:
- Business talk. As in; how’s work? Oh, I’ve been promoted, yeah I’ve a bigger salary than you, hahaha. Nevermind that I lick my boss’ ass everyday for it to happen but how about yourself? Ah, I’m fine. Yeah, just opened my own business, I’m in a different league altogether, and you’re still an employee? How sad.
- Family talk #1. My son is much smarter than yours. No, my daughter has higher IQ than yours. And she’s only ten! Well I’ve entered my son into an international school where they all speak English which in turn forces me to enroll into the local English institute just so I can understand what he’s talking about.
- Family Talk #2. When are you getting married? clock’s ticking you know. Can’t be a career woman all your life. What’s that? Oh you’re busy? Well aren’t well all busy, but look at your cousin, she’s already well settled, on her way to her second child! Thirty is the latest age, you know, you really shouldn’t wait!
- Women’s talk. Ooh, I’ve got this bag at a designer sale, so cheap you know, only ten million, can you believe it? Yes, isn’t it lovely? I’ve also got my hair done at so-and-so salon, it’s the best! You’ve really got to try it! Bushy and big, bird-nest hairstyle is all the rage right now, you know? Ooh, by the way, do you know that so-and-so is getting divorced/a boob job/a liposuction/a face-lift/fill in the blanks?
And if any of you would like to add to the list, feel free to do so. For all I know, people hold wedding parties because they want to celebrate and be happy, but now, instead of making the invited to enjoy the event, they simply make them to dread it. Well, I do. It’s hideous, it’s tiring and it’s phony.
Why do we have to eat, standing up? And why do those women have such big hair? Is this really in, I mean is this what we’re doing now? And why do those men wear their shirt collar over their suits? Are they pimps? And do people actually make use of the wedding souvenirs that are given in exchange of the ambiguous amount of money in the envelope that each guest must produce in order to get one? And what about the crazy MC with Koes Hendratmo hair who’s totally anything but funny? Do those newlyweds actually know all the people who have been invited because I sure as hell bet they put on very fake smiles when it comes the time to greet them. Take the last party I just attended; I don’t even know who those people are, because they are my dad’s friend, not mine!
So why am I the only one suffering from it? Am I strange? Do I have an allergy to this type of event or am I simply not cut out for the phony scene? Or maybe, I should just stop attending wedding parties altogether.
But that’s not a possible option. Right?
20 comments
No dear you are perfectly normal. My dad used to ask me to go with him to a wedding reception in Jakarta, (because my parents live in different city). Usually it’s the one held in Taman Mini so it took forever to get there, and with ministers, governor, and other important people attending, you’d get the longest security check ever. But we still had some fun. Once in a while my dad introduced me to his colleagues as his mistress and then we both enjoyed when they awkwardly tried to find something polite to say! The non-fun part would be a constant call from my mum asking what I would wear (she knows that most of my dresses are too revealing) then suggested something else before we both agreed on this particular dress! I don’t enjoy standing party, I’d end up eating next to nothing because Indonesians become very rude when it comes to food. But intimate wedding parties like in Bali which is attended by only 100 people, usually is fab!
Amen to that Therry! The sad truth about all the wedding hoopla is every single ‘wedding’ is actually pretty much the same. People pick practically the same dresses style, the same flowers, the same songs. Your day is not that special for other people except to you and your immediate family. I do not get the attraction of those large wedding either, they just seem so pretentious to me. Marriage to me is all about love and commitment. And why is it cutting a big cake such a ceremony? I’d rather have a Europe tour for a month in lieu of a wedding “show”.
ps : when people bug you about marriage, change the subject to your dog-pet or Benny & Mice cartoon
i hate wedding receptions. first, it’s the place where i’m asked, “when are YOU getting married? how old are you?” A LOT. geez, aunties.
second, i have to put on make up and a dress and heels and get my hair curled, because i am so damned if i straighten my hair. uncles, don’t oggle at me, i know i’m younger than your wives, still, no excuse!
third, there’s always my-dress-is-more-expensive-than-yours competition. what the heck? more expensive doesn’t hide your flabs.
fourth, what’s with all aunties’ hair????? how do they even sleep?!!!
i’m there for the food hahahaha, and yeah if it’s my friend’s wedding. which usually of course my friend couldn’t see me in the sea of people anyway.
bah.
As my life in blogosphere is about trying to understand what being an Indonesian is about, you really offered a goldmine here. And those comments are bonuses.
Ah, so Indonesians use their daughters to go to boring wedding parties where they ought to be themselves. Good idea. I’ll tell my daughter ( and daughters in law) if the occasion arrives.
Oh, a wedding party of a hundred is considered to be small and cosy and nice. So thousands is what usually is to be expected. It makes me wonder: why on earth should Indonesians consider a wedding a golden opportunity to organize a mass meeting. It may easily develop into a revolution. Okay, this question needs further research.
Eh, eh, some characteristics seem to be universal. The critical evaluation of each others outfit – especially women’s outfit. I guess people have to do that, because not much else is happening at a reception. That’s not different from what happens elsewhere in the world.
Okay, the food. Well, standing up or sitting down, I’m convinced no matter what, Indonesian food is fabulous always and everywhere, even at wedding receptions. That’s an unique selling point.
Aaaaa… gua juga sebenarnya paling males dateng ke resepsi, mending suruh gua dateng ke pemberkatan. Selalu pusink pake baju apa dan mesti dandan, repot banget. Makanya biasanya kalo dateng, kasi angpao, salaman, makan terus pulang. Kecuali temen deket, foto-foto dunk…
i prefer a good funeral to most weddings. they’re short, to the point and (in western countries) you can be assured a whiskey!
I prefer to attend the vow exchange (Ijab Kabul for Muslim and Marriage sacrament for Christian) instead of the reception.
Why? Because it’s more intimate. I usually in tears on that occasion hehehe
this post receives the longest comments ever!! yay…!
@finally woken:
wow! I have never attended any of those Bali weddings before. Maybe if I did my perception would have been less bitter he3x…
Damn I didn’t know they have body-checks at wedding receptions now . I’m just imagining a woman dressed in a tight, body-hugging dress holding a teeny tiny purse, would she still be body-checked as well? Or maybe they’re one of those formality-only checks?
@elyani:
Yes! All that money is wasted on hungry greedy people fighting over at the food stalls and end up not even finishing their food!
Would rather just use all that for a nice holiday ha3x…
Wedding parties are so over-rated these days, people focus more on the wedding instead of the marriage, which is so ironic.
@cn:
When it comes to my wedding I’ll make sure you’re having a helluva time gal, don’t worry. Maybe I’ll have a bikini wedding like Pam Anderson? Where everyone can just wear white bikinis and shirts?
I hadn’t heard of the my-dress-is-more-expensive-than-yours discussion, that’s insane!!
@colson:
Glad i could help expand your knowledge! There’s probably a hidden conspiracy on weddings that we don’t know … but I do know that most parents use wedding receptions as a way to gather up all their friends and show them all that they have accomplished yet another challenging task: To get their children wedded off! Especially for the daughters, this is most important. God forbid if they have daughters who are 30, successful, independent and yet *gasp*… UNMARRIED!!
I agree with the food. But the favoured food are the ones provided on the stalls usually positioned around the wall. They offer yummy traditional Indonesian food such as bakso, somay, sate kambing and sotomie!
@lisan:
sama, gue kalo kondangan jg gitu.. salaman (kadang-kadang), makan, trus pulang. Apalagi kalo ga kenal siapa2, males bgt!!
@ecky:
wow, you’re one of those people who don’t go after the food only!! that’s so rare! i admit i only go to wedding receptions for the food.
ah, if i attend those marriage sacraments stuff I’d have the whole waterworks and everything too…
agree with finally woken about indonesians become very rude when it comes to food. it’s like when u both are accidentally eyeing at the same dish, the person will act like it’s his/her last meal on earth. geez… and it’s true about what u said regarding the ongoing conversation. i think it’s a perfect place to practice on digging the phony side of u hahaha
Yeah, I like the conversations too. The phoniest at their best!
I just realised the title of this post might sound racist! Should I change it?
wakakakak… g males ke resepti pernikahan, soalnya kudu dandan, coba klo ke resepsi pernikahan boleh pakai kaos dan sepatu kets, g pasti rajin dech! wkaakakakak…
as for the conversation about bags or clothes etc, when someone asks me where i get my stuff, i just tell them i got it at a vintage store, at a cheap price. i couldn’t be bothered with people who recognizes yuo when you have branded items, seriously, it’s what’s in your head that matters..
Another nice topic to discuss
I don’t really like wedding reception when it comes to “angpao” in front desk LOL, well regarding I’m a student, it’s forgivable rite? XD
And yes I also hate when it comes to matrons talk comparing how successful their children one another, or even marriage thingie. Such a bo-O-ring conversations
@pitshu:
haha iya yah… males juga dandan cape2 cuma buat mejeng berdiri sambil makan doang
@rimafauzi:
unfortunately most people think it’s more important to carry branded stuff rather than intelligent set of brains
@devi:
I heard that the angpao they get actually finance about 90% of the wedding reception, maybe that’s why they always invite A LOT of people ha3x.
Hello I just entered before I have to leave to the airport, it’s been very nice to meet you, if you want here is the site I told you about where I type some stuff and make good money (I work from home): here it is
Hi Therry. This is a very very fun topic for me. I thought only I experienced this problem.
I no longer go to weddings. Only when my life or my carrer is at stake, then I go. Luckily, my parents are very understanding.
I stumbled upon your witty writing here and I couldn’t agree with you more, Therry. I wrote a similar object back in 2006 http://accordingtod.wordpress.com/2006/07/24/unnecessary-big-weddings/
crap… i meant ‘subject’, not ‘object’ *oopsie*
Wow, this posting seems to get a lot of response, I didn’t know that a lot of people dislike phony wedding as much as I do!
@Andie Summerkiss:
Heh, lucky you! It seems that the children of my dad’s acquaintances are getting wedded off more often than ever! Argh, phony wedding receptions, here I come.
@Dinysays:
Hey, I have the same domain like yours except that mine is Therrysays.com!
I’m thinking of migrating there since the status of blogspot as a potential blocking site is still undecided by my ISP. Like today – I cannot open it – again. Sigh.
Stupid indecisive ISP.
Anyway, I cannot open the link you gave me! It keeps getting back to mine. Relink?
@Diny:
Doh! http://accordingtod.wordpress.com/2006/07/24/unnecessary-big-weddings/
therrysays, dinysays, bla bla bla :p