The Dilemma Of An Overseas Bachelorette
Contrary to what some might think, being an overseas graduate, or bachelorette is not always as peachy as it looks. Sure, we’re fortunate enough to have earned an overseas degree and being able to speak in another language, but the society acquires a common perception that those who manage to study overseas must be loaded, is the reason why it is so easy for them to judge overseas graduates as a bunch of snobs who look down to everybody else that are not on the same level as them.
To set the record straight, let me share a little bit about my personal experience. Being the naive girl that I was, upon returning from my study overseas, I thought getting a job would be an easy-peasy task, because an overseas degree must have been more appealing than a local degree, right?
Wrong. It was difficult for me in finding a job. I’d sent out resumes after resumes only to receive absolutely zero responses, and even if I did manage to score some interviews, they never led anywhere.
I was suspecting that my resume and the abundant list of work experiences was something that would have flawed it all – many work experiences probably meant I was not loyal enough (even though they were all mostly part-time jobs that I did during college) and carrying the title of an overseas graduate scared most people off because they probably thought I was going to ask a huge amount of starting salary which was equal to the salary of a person who had worked for ten years.
It was when I was all fed up and developing a ‘can’t-be-fucked’ attitude as a result of all the useless interviews that I finally, finally, got a job. Unfortunately, before I even started working, someone had leaked the fact that I was (gasp!) an overseas graduate, and before I even knew it, I had my very own persona labeled onto me; the snob girl who must have had a very grand life and very loaded parents at that.
That wasn’t the first time it had happened to me. In the brief period of me working as an English teacher in this small institution in Thamrin, I had received the same treatment – the other employees were not keen to be friendly with me, and I couldn’t immediately start chit-chatting away with them for fear of being too friendly aka SKSD (Sok Kenal Sok Deket) and scared them even more; besides, the Indonesian Art of Basa-basi was not one I had mastered yet.
Which was why it was funny that when we finally got to know each other, they were surprised that I wasn’t at all what they thought. As a matter of fact, I was just like everybody else.
I went to work using public transport, instead of a hand-me-down BMW and a personal chauffeur. And if you want to know what kind of public transport exactly, just read it here.
I bought my clothes at places like Matahari and sometimes Mangga Dua, not from Guess or Mango. Although if I had a lot of money I probably would, but clothes had never been an important aspect for me – I’d rather spend my money on books, to be completely honest.
I cut my hair at the local Johnny Andrean and experienced bad hair day because it was the wrong style, instead of coloring and rebonding it at LuVaze – I’m not freaking Agnes Monica, for God’s sake.
To be frank, I wasn’t at all as glamorous and so high class it practically made me a snob by default.
There was this one time when I was instant-messaging with one of my work colleagues in the Documentation department, and I mentioned something about ironing my clothes, in which she went, “You can iron clothes???”
And my reply was, “Of course I can – who do you think did all my laundry whilst I was being overseas? A freaking maid?” (this was said sarcastically of course).
And then she goes, “Wow. I always thought you were this really rich person who never did any house chores and use Body Shop products.”
Honestly, I did not know what Body Shop got to do with it all, but OK, whatever floats her boat.
Perhaps it is common to label supposedly rich people as snobs – because they are wealthy, then they are entitled to be arrogant. So it must be weird to see a rich person not being smug about their richness, because many of them are.
I remember what this other colleague said about this Javanese girl in the R&D department who drove to work using a Suzuki Katana and just recently changed her car to a Toyota Soluna – bear in mind we’re talking about Japanese car ranges here as opposed to European ones that are identical to belong to the rich and famous as well as the Indonesian high-ranked officials i.e. corruptors; “Even though she’s rich, she’s a very friendly person.”
Wow. That “even though” bit really got me. As if being wealthy – or living an abundant and sufficient life – was a weakness, something to condemn to, and an excuse to make sense of their judgment.
Which is why whenever I met new people, I dread the very question of, “Where did you graduate from?”
I’d contemplate lying, but I have never been a very good liar, and if I do lie, it will all just get out of hand in which they probably go, “Oh, you went to so-and-so university! What year did you graduate? Perhaps you know my friend Budi, he was the manager of the student lounge?”
See? Not a very good idea. So now you would have understood my dilemma – if I’m being honest, I’m definitely going to be judged as a snob as to what has happened before, and if I do lie, I’ll just get myself into more trouble. And all of that is only because I have spend a few years of my life being overseas.
Hardly a big deal – but not to some people.
17 comments
so totally in agreement with u on this…. bravo to indonesia’s future president hihihi
hahahha, same here, but the difference was i was in LA, then my friend called me from indo.
he: watcha doing?
me: washing the dishes, i just did my laundry.
he: you wash your own dishes?? you could do laundry??
hellooooooooooooo!!! it’s like my hands were so fragile that they’re gonna break if i carried something
It’s as if we’re aliens or something, huh?
“Wow!! You do your own laundry?”
lol
o.my.gawd. you are ‘normal’ after all? iron your own cloth, take the bus to work, and blend in with the common people?
hi hi hi, just givin’ you a hard time, babe.
unfortunately, there are some snobbish overseas-graduate who think they’re better than others.
fortunately, you aren’t those.
just grin and ignore it. some bitches are just sour like that. talking behind your back, gossipping, assuming, judging. just be you, whacky therry :p
Well, it’s not your fault you have that born-to-be-rich-pretty-and-smart look..(teehee..)..even though that doesn’t explain the real Therry. Cheer up amiga and get yourself prepared for the next election!
Definitely, our next President candidate should be rich, good looking, and proud holding a degree from overseas. LOL.
I never have had that problem, but probably because in my previous companies lots of them are overseas graduates so it’s not a big deal.
But yeah I recognize some of them think their holier and smarter than others even though they’re just having their ID tag printed.
@accordingtod:
Yup, there are plenty of snobbish overseas grads and perhaps they’re the ones who ruin the image for the rest.
lol wacky Therry – hopefully not that wacky?
@Elyani:
I wasn’t born rich! LOL
My parents came from the hardworking class. I remembered the house we grew up in was tiny – we had one of those old-fashioned toilet where you had to squat and the baththub for the water right next to it and nothing else, so whenever we had to bathe we’d cover the toilet with this wooden plank yoke to stand on it
Some toilet! But most people didn’t know that, I guess.
@Toni:
Do you think so? Perhaps if our future president is an overseas grad, this country would have a better chance? But I know some people might have a very strong response to that!
@Finally Woken:
Funny, I tend to be embarrassed if people find out I’m overseas grad – because the response I’d either get is that they:
a) assume immediate distance, or
b) all of a sudden become way too friendly
Maybe I’d been in the wrong places at the wrong time with the wrong people who judged me based on what they see
I don’t get people who generalize other people, but get upset when they get generalized. I think these people who think that we (overseas educated people) are snobs should have their realities checked out.
In the past (15 years ago and more) it might be true. But over the years, people have more and more information on how to be able to study overseas without being the granddaughter of Soeharto (may he rest in peace).
If they only knew what I went through (and therry, and other independent bachelorettes who frequently run to catch the subway/tram/bus in the rain on their way to school and sometimes have no money to buy decent food because they had to pay something extra for the dorm etc. I am not talking about those who own their own cars and apartments, those don’t count)
For me at least, studying abroad has been an invaluable experience that has made me a stronger person, who can appreaciate money, and certainly it has really made be throw away the snob in me.
this is a great post and I hope many people who think we are a certain way reads this, so they can understand that we are not the people they think we are.
cheers girl! YOU ROCK!!!
This is indeed an interesting story! Thanks for sharing!
PS: Tapi beneran lho, dikantor lama ada dua overseas graduate yang lagaknya bok, petentang petenteng, dan parahnya lagi, ketika disuruh nulis bhs Inggris, ancur bok…walah…
I am sure I am not the petantang-petenteng type .. but others might have had judgement already towards me, even before they know me.
Sometimes, they are just plain jealous. I have that problem at my workplace. Plus, I am the only one with decent education and the boss favored me than everybody else. It was pure hell!
@Rimafauzi:
Thanks for the cheers, Rimes ^^
Glad to know there are more people like us – who took the benefit of studying overseas and being independent. Perhaps there aren’t many of ous out there *wink2*
@The Writer:
Aah. Those “petantang-petenteng” overseas grads must be one of them spoiled kids who was, during their studying years, given allowance sufficient enough to collect all the new LV bags and upon returning home, got hand-me-down Beemers and chauffeurs! lol
@Andie Summerkiss:
“I am sure I am not the petantang-petenteng type .. but others might have had judgement already towards me, even before they know me.”
That has, unfortunately, always been the case
Which inspired me to write this post in the first place.
You were the boss’ favourite employee? Lucky you! I’m sure it has more to do with your charming and lovely personality
@therry: you got that right. She used to live in Seattle, had her own apartment and a luxury car (she told me that once she found an apartment in that town, paid by the parents of course, the parents told her to get a car, and not just the average Japanese/Korean car, she bought a Volvo! A new one!
……and oh, she did drive a brand new Mercedes to work when she was working at me, the car was even flashier than my boss LOL
Therry, keep your chin up and use “politics of meritoracy” instead. Your achievements speak much louder than your “embel2.”
Therry, this is a great post. indeed.
i can make a whole post as a response to this, hehe.
well, first, i used to have prejudice to people who study abroad from their own parents’ pocket (remember i am full of prejudice kind of person :d ). but not always in the negative sense. mixed with what Anita experienced.
i think it’s really cool that you can travel so far in young age. and at the same time, i also feel -i could have done the same if my parents were rich. so kind of “love and hate” relationship with my own feeling.
but i know that it’s bad and i kept looking for ways to eradicate this negatvity. i like to mingle or watch closer rich people who are nice and not snobby. last year, for example. i went to PPI UK event in London and i intentionally open my heart for them. it was so nice. i mingled with these people i could not imagine how rich they are and it was a very positive therapy to experienced how nice and pure hearted they are.
my own best friend is also a richy rich kind of girl. but the whole friendship i have known her as the most hardworking borjuist. and that is also therapy. i used to speak up for her when people mock (behind her of course) how easy she changes cars or buy expensive stuffs. but unfortunately, i have only one friend like that.
so, don’t give up on people like me Therry. If you really are a nice person, then sooner or later people will see the real you. i didn’t ask for this prejudice, neither i planned to have one. but people have their own prejudice and some have prejudice against me too (As a moslem, as a religious person, as a non overseas bachelor(many thinks lulusan dalam negri gak sebagus lulusan luar), as an applle to dady’s eyes..etc.. but it’s a challenge to “menaklukan hati mereka” .
udah kepanjangan nih. intinya sih, cheer up. people live wth prejudice, either they are the victims or they are the actors. we just don’t realize how much we hurt others with this prejudice. we dont even realize if we have prejudice, sometimes.
makasih ya, good post
*I thought I’d replied already but perhaps the comment didn’t get through (bloody blogspot, must follow Andie Summerkiss’s step and migrate to own domain) so here it is..
@Anon:
“Politic of Meritocracy”? Hmm… difficult word. Must find meaning.
Anyhoo. My personal achievements are for my own amusements – they might sound insignificant to others but for me, they are the little steps I take to overcome many milestones of life
@M:
Sorry for the late reply! You should really post and enable the comments again
The real me eh? Hmm.. I dunno. I tend to scare people off once they know the real me wekekeke…
Mulia, you are a wise and honest person and I’m happy to learn through your life experiences. Overcoming our own struggles and prejudice is one of the hardest thing to do but you made it and you’ve changed into better person.
Thanks for dropping by and keep blogging leeeeeeeeer…. you can’t just focus on your thesis all the time. All work and no play makes Jack a very dull toy, as they say