Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy - Kahlil Gibran
How many of us do our jobs or pursue our careers with passion? How many of us actually love our professions that even if we don’t get paid sufficiently we will do it anyway because we enjoy working on it and won’t dream of doing anything else no matter what?
I envy those who know exactly what they want to do with their lives, who have everything figured out and planned ahead.
I’ve always been a spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of person that when I finally reached the path when I have to make the decision to decide what I actually want to do, I freak out and keep on assuring myself that I still have plenty of time to find it out.
But what if I don’t?
Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to do too many things at once that I end up being a jack of all trades and a master of none. But the one thing that’s missing is passion.
Sometimes I wonder whether or not I’m ready to work as a freelancer - maybe my character hasn’t fully developed yet; maybe I need to put myself back in the employment line and explore other options.
It’s funny how when we were kids we thought we knew exactly what we wanted to do. I used to tell people that I wanted to be a fashion designer because that was the only career I knew back then that involved drawing pretty girls in pretty clothes.
Back then, all I knew was that I wanted to draw and I wanted to do it for the rest of my life. I had the passion and the determination that it was what I wanted all along.
For me, having the talent to draw is not enough - sometimes I get lazy and procrastinate working on a design job, and I wonder where my passion’s gone. Drawing and designing are supposed to be the things I love doing, and if I get lazy doing them, then what is left for me?
I have always wanted to be the person who does something with the willingness and motivation to make a difference. Even if it’s a small contribution, if I do it with passion and enthusiasm, for me, that is enough.
Without passion, we’re all just robots. We work to become, not to acquire, as Hubbard says.
Has anybody else felt the same way that I feel, at one point in your life? If you have, what have you done to get your passion back?
November 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hi Therry,
Those are exactly my sentiments now. Thanks for putting it down so well in writing. I know I don’t want to do what I’m doing now for the rest of my life. But I have interest in so many things, I have difficulty picking one out to focus on.
Like you, I always thought I’ll have enough time to make the decision, but I still haven’t made my choice yet while I feel it gets more urgent every day.
My dreams varied in the past 25 years, from being a doctor, a vet, a scientist, a designer, an artist, etc. I did my degree in something I’m good at but didn’t really want to do, and now I’m working as something I didn’t study for. So I’m really just confused.
But in the mean time I’m trying hard to explore my interests more seriously and see which one I love most - and at the same time provides me with a living.
You’ve got a friend here
Jade’s last blog post..What About Secularism
November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Maybe the answer is not in I or me. Maybe you feel like that because there’s always the ‘I’ that needs fulfillment but this ‘I’ cannot be satisfied by herself.
My passion come back when I realize that we are as people work as a bigger purpose that only the Hand That Has Written Everything knows.
Don’t think about it too much. Feel it with your heart. Smile, Relax and let God’s works happened through you.
koko’s last blog post..Feeder Busway Citra Indah, bukan Citra Gran
November 18th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Now this is just to spooky for words, I swear did my post first then started to check out my friends.
Now I know your RIGHT!!!
GJ’s last blog post..Times are a Changin’
November 18th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
You DO know what you want. You want to draw. Maybe it’s just the current job that bores you to death, maybe you should find more challenges in the world of drawing and designing (unfortunately, I don’t know much about this so I can’t really recommend anything) and capture that old flame back.
I’d say that you’re lucky that you get to do what you like. A lot of people don’t.
Now come to think of it, I want to go back working as a journalist again *sigh*
the writer’s last blog post..Scintillating scents
November 18th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Ah, the elusive quest. I am pretty content at where I am right now. It’s not where I pictured myself 10 years ago. But at the end of the day (literally) seeing the babes asleep on my bed makes me go, aaaaah, there goes all my ambitions. If I could do it all over again, I would have studied medicine, or learn how to write scripts and hang out sipping lattes with ‘creative’ people, or be able to dance like wade robson and poppin my way thru MTV. But….
katadia’s last blog post..My current obsession
November 18th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I’m at an age where I SHOULD have a good job and SHOULD know what it is I want to do in life. But no, I don’t know what I want to do and haven’t found what I’m looking for (jobwise).
I have a career in music, but that doesn’t pay the bills. I would like to one day be able to do something I love and pay the bills with what I earn from it, but that’s kind of a pipedream..
Don’t beat yourself up, many people are in the same boat as you, I know I am, so you are totally not alone..
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November 19th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Sometimes what we really need is a break.
You need to refresh your mind before getting back to the routine; even a President has a day off. Even though I’m still a college student, I have already mapped what I want to pursue for the next 10 years but still… I got lame sometimes. My tips; try to discover your wildest dream, write/draw it down and adhere it on a place where you always look up to when you get up in the morning. HTH.
I hope you’ll find your passion back
Devi Girsang’s last blog post..When Something’s Wrong
November 19th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Hey my ethernet cable looks really strange with a blueberry muffin stuck on it. I must have poor bandwidth as it seems to be taking ages to upload.
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November 19th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
A bit cliche here but I believe life throws us curve balls and its up to us whether we catch it, fumble or drop it. Getting paid to do something you love is very hard to find. Early on I was realistic enough to take crap jobs as long as it paid the bills. My first work-place was in the remote area where you got to fetch the water from the well for bathing. It was a hard experience but I didn’t complain. At some points in your life you have to get experience and you’ve got to just pay the bills as well. For your case, I’d say explore areas that you told me you didn’t like. Give it a try and see where it takes you. If you think you can’t handle it, you’ll find a way. If you think its too hard, it’s not. It’s those that stop trying or never start trying that never reach their dreams. Keep trying, you’ll do it!!!
Elyani´s last blog post..Random questions of the week
November 19th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
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November 19th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I used be very passionate about what I do, but now I just simply lost it. Trying to do my best to find my lost passion… and as Elyani said, as long as it pays the bill then I will live with it.
You can do it girl! I know you can.
ecky´s last blog post..Well pardon me for having big boobies!
November 19th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
menurut gw sih harus puas-puasin masa muda, supaya tua gak menyesal.
so, stick to your dreams and desires now if you have time and resources to do that. listen to what people say, but you don’t have to hear them all. While we’re young, we have many chances, buffers, options, etc, and many rooms for mistakes.
oh, now I want to hear U2…
November 20th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I’ve been there Ther…
counting days was my main activity. Friday was my favorite.
i’m talking about my previous job
Then i prayed ” God help me out from here”
sometimes i cry cause i really didn’t enjoy my job, but i couldn’t resign. cause i need money to live in “this expensive city”
dunno where to go, stuck in that place
but just like something whispering in my heart ” ENJOY MY BLESS”
So i changed my activity :
counting days —–> counting bless
Just took 2 months then i g0t my recent job
I LOVE MY JOB
Now i’m happy here, even high pressure,
international standard but local salary
(some friends in IT industry laugh on me when they know how much i earn each month)
Not the best boss i got, but i love his email by saying ” GREAT JOB INDAH”
So hang in there Ther…
Try to enjoy everything you have
Great plan is there, just walk for it
^_^
Indah Sitepu´s last blog post..Ngasah Kapak
November 20th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@ Jade
“and now I’m working as something I didn’t study for. So I’m really just confused.”
I was studying physics science for my bachelor degree…
my first job was a secretary (please laugh on me….. ^_^)
but then i challenged my boss that i could sell that giant printer (Rp.200jtn)
then i proved him that i was not talking bullshit
today i’m working in my 3′rd job, it’s in the same industry (distributon of IT product)
i dunno what happen if i just was complaining for being secretary
Jade…I don’t mean to be your lecturer just want to encourage you dear…
What you have now, just do the best for it
^_^
Indah Sitepu´s last blog post..Ngasah Kapak