Living Together aka Cohabiting
This post was actually inspired by Maureen‘s comment on my previous post about Life After Marriage.
So what does cohabiting mean? Seriously, stop being so lazy and just freaking google it. Here, I’ll make it easier for you by providing a link that explains it all.
Read it?
Alright, now that we’re all on the same page, let me tell you the reason why I post about it (although I actually don’t really need to, cause this is my personal blog and I can write whatever I want without having to explain anything but however);
I’ve heard plenty of times before of people saying that couples who live together before they decide to get married will jeopardize their plan on actually getting married.
I’ve heard my grandmother saying this, I’ve heard friends saying this, I’ve even heard strangers saying this. And I seriously don’t understand what makes them come up to this conclusion.
I’ve also heard people saying something like, “Don’t be engaged for too long otherwise you’ll end up jeopardizing yourself in getting married.”
Seriously, what kind of lame ass bullshit is that?
If two people decide to live together and they end up not getting married in the end it’s because their relationship is not strong enough to survive the long haul. It has got nothing to do with them living together before marriage.
And wouldn’t it be better, economically-speaking, to cancel the whole thing off before they actually get married, rather than realizing that, “Oh God I really can’t stand living with him/her, such a pain in the ass, I’m better off single!” AFTER you get married?
Imagine the regrets!
But of course, being in Indonesia, everyone seems to hold on to the deluded idea that cancelling the wedding after the couple has lived together will hugely disadvantage the woman since she has lost her virginity, because of course, when two people live together they also sleep together.
I wish people will wake up and smell the coffee; virginity is only an idea held dear by the people living in the village; it’s over-rated and sex is just as free here as it is in America. And actually, the people in the village are worse because a lot of the girls there get pregnant out of wedlock so ha!
Seriously, I can’t imagine what it’s like marrying a man whom you’ve never seen naked before. I mean, to be fair, you’d want to know how your man performs in bed, right?
You’d be naive to think that he will be great in bed even though you’ve never slept with him before. Seriously, what if his penis is really small? Or what if he has an early ejaculation? You can say that all of these things don’t matter in the bigger scheme of things but try being married without ever having known what multiple orgasm feels like. I know some women whose husband just rolled to bed as soon as they let it out and they end up having to resolve to solo performance, the poor things.
I myself always think that before you buy the car you must always take it for a test drive. Sounds logical, no?
3 comments
Sounds logical Ther, but for the majority, that logical thought should be hide somewhere, even though nowadays people in big city notice that free sex in Indonesia is as free as in America.
People in Indonesia – still can not buy in those cohabiting things – not if those couple stay in Jakarta or other big city in Indonesia – especially people whose tradition were so strong and so religious.
tere616´s last [type] ..Work Hard or Work Smart
To me, marriage is just a legal paper so that there is something for lawyers to make money out of. Or, in a less cynical way, for their kids to have a legal status.
Honestly, if two people decides to live and share their lives together, they are married. Whether they want to register their togetherness or not, it is a personal matter. Being legally married or not should be decided after one is feeling comfortable with each other. Registering your marriage means that you have the rights to sign papers on behalf of your partner, for example, if s/he is unconscious and need to get operated, you have the rights to sign the permission.
Relationship can work for short and long both, despite of whether you have papers or not, despite of whether you have kids or not. Living together is a big commitment, marriage is just a piece of paper.
parvita´s last [type] ..Oh- my Indonesia
Thanks for the post! As an Indonesian-American, this is a topic that my parents and I have discussed many a time, to no avail. Reading your post shows to me that I am not wrong in how I view myself, my body, and my relationships.