It is ironic for me to say, that most Christians these days act exactly like the way the Pharisees did to Jesus Christ when He was still alive. They mocked and judged him, plotted against him and in the end punished him to death. They were the self-righteous bunch who thought their religion was above everything else, and anyone who dared not following should be abandoned and left forsaken. Cast away, like outcasts.

Do you think this is untrue?

Ask a religious Christian about his church and he will tell you (if not sooner or later by his own initiative) about it and how it is better than any other churches. He will then proceed to ask about your church. If you say you frequent one that is different than his, he will tell you how much his church is better than yours – sometimes blatantly, if not furtively . But alas, if you tell him that you do not go to church at all (such as what would be my answer), he will immediately label you as an infidel.

Because for these people, Christians must belong to a church. Any church. If you’re not, you’re considered as an outsider. You don’t belong to the religion itself, because you don’t get to receive God’s wise words every Sunday or so. God himself condemns people who don’t go to church because how else would people meet God if not by attending the church?

Which I personally think is silly, because God is omnipresent. You don’t have to go to a specified building where there is a certified priest who is presented there to bless and give you holy communions. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with the church itself, but something is majorly wrong when the people who’ve frequented the church are still the same people who came in before the mass starts. I see the same church-goers saying they’ve been to Sunday mass and yet they still complain about their lives, badmouth other people who they think are beneath them, judge those who they think are not as holy as them (because these people don’t go to church/ are not Christians /are gay /are prostitutes, etc.) – and basically live their lives just as they were before.

So what’s the point of going to a church when they’re still hypocrytes? It’s not going to cleanse their sins because day in day out, they’ll be doing the same sins that Jesus Christ Himself had told them not to do, over and over again, in the New Testament, which was Not To Judge Others.

And these so-called religious Christians are wondering why their churches are not getting any newcomers – because it isn’t.  A church might get excited at the prospect of having newcomers every now and then, but really they’re just bored migrants from another church who wanted to look for a newer, more excited church (preferrably the one that has kick-ass sound system, complete music instruments and brilliant choirs with English songs as well as huge banners outside the churches saying ‘Daily Healings from 8:30 – 5:30′).

Which is why I tend to cringe when I see a typical Christian being his typical Christian-like person, going here and there badmouthing and judging other people of whom he doesn’t even know personally.

Take the homosexuals for example. Oh, how the Christians love to mock these people!

“I pity them,” they say.Seriously, they don’t need your pity. They don’t pity you, so why should you?

“I think they can be cured. They just need to be healed by God.” Oh really? Does it mean that a straight person could turn gay when given the chance to do so?

I can bet you anything, none of these people personally know anyone who is homosexual. Why don’t they? Well their circle of friends all come from the people they see in the church. They limit their friendship only to those with the same belief. They tend to be scared of things they are not familiar with. As most of us have known to be true, Indonesians like to huddle with the same type of people who come from the same type of background and who go to the same type of community, as well as holding the same type of belief. Different people and individualists tend scare the shite out of them.

If Jesus was still alive, I’m sure He’d do things differently. He’d teach his people the power of giving and loving, not judging. He’d condemn the way the churches are these days. He’d get the churches to make a difference, instead of being an exclusice community where only a specified type of people could come in. I myself had a personal experience with a racist church (as in, they only accepted people who were Chinese-descent), which was just one of the many bad experiences I had encountered with crazy Christians around the world. The churches, as they are, only create traffic jams every Saturday and Sunday, while all the same there are still people around it needing help, needing support, needing love and compassion and yet they’re not even heard nor acknowledged.

If Jesus was still alive, he’d teach his people to reach out and make a difference – as opposed to living a wasted life 24/7 even though they’ve gone to church and received enlightening / holy spirit / or whatever it is that holy people do at churches.

I am sorry to say this, but I do not need the church to baptise me into a judgmental, self-righteous person that I often see. I understand perfectly well what Jesus meant when He said, “Believe, and you shall see” or “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”

Miracles happen in my life, because I have faith and I believe. I know that the God I believe is not the type of God who will punish its people just because they don’t go to church. God knows  (no pun intended) I’m a sinful person, but God loves me nevertheless. Which is why I understand perfectly what the story of the Prodigal Son means. It’s the story of my life. I am far from holy, and I do know that I will never be Christ-like, but the least I could do is share the gift of life and love that have been bestowed upon me, and try to live my life as best as I can, with the talent that I am blessed with.

Recommended further reading: How to Graduate from Christianity by Steve Pavlina.

I have given you small miracles, but never be afraid for they are to prepare you for something more powerful, something that is out of your imagination, within your wildest dreams, beyond the reach of those who do not believe.

Because you ask me, I answer you. You have shown faith – never stop believing in me. You know by now that miracles do exist, and you know that everyone in this world are miracles of their own, it’s just that not all of them realize it.

I love you, and I will never stop loving you. This is not concerning your past, your personality, your skin color, your attitude or your outlook towards life. I know that you are growing into something better – believe me, I won’t let you falter.

I have you within my thoughts – every moment and every second, whether you are feeling alone and left out or surrounded by a maddening crowd, I am always watching you, waiting to catch you in case you ever stumble.

Maybe you’re thinking that life bears no purpose – it just goes as it flows. But I have big plans for you. if you let me, I can show you how beautiful it can be, and that there are so many things you have yet to see.

Don’t be afraid to be different. I have created you to be unique – it is such a shame to be the same like everyone else. Don’t worry if others are telling you the opposite, because I know it will only make you become stronger. I believe in you, as you believe in me.

When there are times you don’t know where life is heading, be assured that I am holding your hands – always! Listen deep, listen carefully, and I am not so far away. I’m within you, in your heart and in your thoughts, and I will never, ever leave you.

When your emotions well up and the only thing left is to cry, just call my name and you know that I’m right beside you. I will lead you beside the still water, and you will understand the meaning of unconditional love. I am always there, all the time.

I have given everything up just to be near you, and that was just the beginning.

This love that I have for you is bigger than anything you have ever felt before. You can’t see it, but you can feel it. Look carefully, all around you and within – I have left more than enough signs for you to see.

All you need to do is believe in me.

We planned to attend the second mass which was at 10.15 am and I woke up late, so when we got there the place was already filled and some people had to sit on the steps because there was no space left. It wasn’t like a traditional mass either, where normally people – well at least I would – feel comfortable to be there.

At first I was pretty naive and to be perfectly honest I wasn’t expecting anything out of it – well, yes, a little bit, but the normal stuff; I expected that I would meet people who were like me – real people who wanted to go to church because they wanted to worship and praise God and just merely be merry about celebrating Easter. Pretty much like the masses I’d seen on movies with all these black people singing and praising and just looked so happy to be in church.

But to my disappointment, I came across to a de ja vu-like experience of being surrounded by superficial people who put so much effort on their appearances and looked at us up and down as if we shouldn’t be there at all. The people there looked pretty well-off and most of them were Chinese and when I saw the way the look at my boyfriend I was filled with so much dismay I felt the urge to leave straight away.

Not to mention that the church committee was so inattentive and ignorant, they reminded me of one of those shop-keepers at expensive boutiques who wouldn’t even say hello to people who looked like they couldn’t afford some ridiculously overpriced keychain with the designer’s logo stuck on it.

There was another mass which started at one thirty but by then I already lost my motivation to church. Appalled as I was, I didn’t really believe that they were that bad – I even asked my boyfriend whether it was the standard atmosphere setting for most of Christian churches, to which he said that back in his hometown, his church (which had branches all over the world and used English as its main language) always welcomed newcomers and escorted them to their seats and the people were polite and friendly to everyone.

Call me idealistic but I thought the whole idea about church is that it’s a place where people feel safe and comfortable and welcomed, so that they can all gather to sing and praise in unison and enrich their spiritual needs, not a place where people feel the need to dress up to the nines and the girls wear heavy make-up as if they are attending fashion shows, and by “welcomed” I mean people from different races and backgrounds because going back to the basic knowledge, God loves everyone nevertheless so why couldn’t people do the same?

I realised that it was foolish of me to think that such place could be found immediately without much additional effort. But I was somewhat encouraged because deep down I had faith that such place must exist somewhere.

We ended up trotting around Plaza Indonesia and I had to buy these insanely overpriced but super cool Havaianas flip-flops because I hurt my feet from walking to fast in my three-inch wedges due to our lateness to attend mass. We got some other pretty good stuff too – like the original soundtrack to Happy Feet which my boyfriend wanted so badly and couldn’t find at any other record stores (we both love the movie and have seen for at least ten times), and design books at reasonable price for our library collection.

When we got to the car, we both prayed that we would find the church where we could truly belong and meet people who were just like us. I am still positive in this holy quest and I trust that God would show us the way.

Written on April 8th 2007

You take me off the grounds

Float me up and away from this temporary residence

That I call my body

You take me to places I could only imagine

Across the seas and the skies

Blue oceans, as far as the eyes can see

Billowing clouds, tearing open for me to go through

I need only to close my eyes

And I feel like I’m in heaven already

Sometimes I’m amazed by your ability

of making the impossible seem possible

of giving joy only through my hearing sense

I have never doubted the existence of a God.

I know that there is God

and God

is a DJ.

They weren’t friends with the animals either – they ate the freaking animals and they sure as hell ran the heck away from any animals resembling those of elephants or lions that we see today, instead of caressing them and playing around with them in manner of Buddhist monks raising Tiger cubs. The lived in a place where it battered all the freaking weathers – from cold to hot to cold again – and so they had really tanned, leathery skin and quite athletic bodies in that aspect. They were somewhat naked in some weathers but when it got cold they would put more than just tree leaves over their private parts to avoid catching pneumonia or whatever they called it back then.

Adam couldn’t really give a shit about his missing rib – he cared more about steak ribs from four legged mammals. Eve weren’t really into apples at all, regardless how red and juicy it might look hanging down from the so-called forbidden tree – she cared more about crushing the sodding snake to death so she could skin it alive and have it for dinner. Fruit just didn’t really worth it since it gave less energy and not keeping them as warm as eating the fat of the animals.

Most importantly, Adam and Eve had friends too – they weren’t the only couple in the world otherwise they would really freak out since no other creatures were as alike as them two. And so you see, there were many, many Adams and Eves, not just two. Their children would meet and mate and then the whole reproductive process stretched far ahead until it brought us up to this point.

Makes more sense to me.

Now, the reason why I constructed this version was because I had a mild argument with my grandpa about the demeaning facts about women according to the Bible; Eve tempting Adam, Sarah suggested Abraham to impregnate a younger chick so he could have a descendant (what woman in the right mind would suggest her husband to sleep with another woman?), king Solomon having bloody thousands of harems collected from different parts of the world, Maria Magdalena a sexed up prostitute who somehow appeared every now and then in the most important parts of Jesus’ life – the list goes on. My grandpa wouldn’t hear about my own opinions and I simply wasn’t satisfied with how things were – no matter what the Holy book said.

So I decided to set the record straight from the main root – where it all began. And where would God be in that story? God was actually in everywhere, and most importantly, God was actually in their hearts.

Now, doesn’t that sound a lot better?