I do realise that I’ve abandoned my blog up to the point that I only get to check it a few times a month (that is provided if I still remembered!). Work’s been hectic as always, the students either bug me kill me or love me and I am always in a state of exhaustion and beyond caring by the time I get home from work.

But a few important things have happened and I can’t wait to share them with you.

First, I have acquired a new addiction slash hobby, and it’s all thanks to Toni Wahid. His crib is practically my second home now and I can safely say that Micah would feel the same way. And because he always makes sure that he poisons me with a cup of his delicious latte everytime I come to visit, thanks to him, now instant coffee tastes like some horrible shit that I refuse to call coffee. And again, thanks to him, now I know the reason why coffee shops sell coffee beans (in the past, I seriously thought people who bought coffee beans must have nothing better to do with their lives), and I also own a French press which I use religiously. Every two or three days, I would grind coffee beans and bring it to work, just so I can have my daily coffee fix, in which if I don’t, I’d get horribly cranky and fidgety.

Now you might think this is not such a big deal but coming from a girl who used to have trouble sleeping because she consumed a cup of Nescafe coffee (a cup, just the one cup!), this is a pretty big deal. I found out that specialty coffee would not prevent me from having having a good sleep. I could consume a couple of cups during the day and I’d be right as rain to sleep during the night.

The second addiction, and this is by far the most recent, it’s so fresh it’s still dewy and all; we finally have an EOS. And what I mean by ‘we’ is that Himself and I have been fascinated by our new toy, the Canon EOS 550D. Himself and I can’t seem to stop playing around with it, taking photos of things and just generally feeling smug about holding such a cool, serious-looking camera in our hands. It’s still a kit because it comes with the standard 18-55 lens (not one of those red-ringed lens!) but it’s pretty cool. Of course we’d be thinking of purchasing a much more advanced lens – soon enough!

Last but not least – I am getting married in a week.

Now; before you go, “Wh-wh-whaaaaat?!” do realise that this is simply something that Himself and I have been intending to do since three years ago. We’ve planned it a year ago, and we decided to have it done the way we’d want it to be; a nice simple outdoor ceremony that faces the beach in which our closest friends and families will attend. So after endless researches and inquiries made to different venues and hotels, we’ve chosen Ayana Spa and Resort as the most ideal place for us to get wed. We’ve emailed different hotels and Ayana by far seem to be the one who has given the best responses and tried as best as they can to cater our needs. Plus, they’ve upgraded our hotel rooms which is a pretty sweet deal!

The color theme that we’ve chosen are ivory white and yellow, which I think will look great. We’ve chosen yellow and white for the flower bouquet as well. Himself and I have got our dresses and suits ready. Mine is quirky and fun and unlike any other wedding dresses you’ve seen before, and himself looks pretty dashing in his suit I really can’t keep my hands off him!

Now that’s all for now from me – more details about the wedding will follow – I hope. Who knows, by this time next week I’d already be in paradise and having the best time of my life.

December 2nd, 2006. 18:10 pm

“Hey, I’m sorry for being so late.” I said to you as soon as I spotted you – you were standing in front of the book shop, looking so different than the usual person that I saw everyday at work.

I was sorry I forgot to give you my number. If only you knew how much I’d been waiting for you to call. But you did, unexpectedly so. And I’d been racing against the time so that I could finally be here, this evening, and for the first time ever, spend some time alone with you.

“It’s okay. I was at the bookshop for a while anyway because I had to get some things. Shall we eat first?” You offered, and I agreed. If only you knew how fast my heart was beating, afraid that I’d be late and you’d be gone. After all, I’d made you wait for three hours while I was waiting for my car to get fixed at the repair shop, and got stuck in a traffic jam after. It sort of felt like the world was preventing me to be with you.

But I made it after all, looking less than perfect because it was pouring outside hours ago and I was walking in the drizzle, my hair looking damp and frizzy, and I got drops of water all over my white shirt and jeans. Funny you didn’t seem to notice any of it whatsoever.

I was giddy, excited and nervous on my way to see you – I couldn’t figure out why. After all, we were friends and it wasn’t the first time I hung out with a guy friend. But it felt different for no obvious reasons.

And as soon as I saw you, and stood next to you, my heart slowed down; I felt relaxed and I was gradually starting to feel like myself again. I even managed to steal a piece of your tuna fusilli during dinner – something I’d never do in a million years with someone I didn’t know so well. I always had a thing about invading other people’s personal spaces, and mine.

Except that evening, at the precise moment when I met you, I felt like I’d known you well enough to see a reflection of myself in you. Even when we finally finished our meal, we both sat back and sighed with relief while holding our full stomachs – and at that very moment I knew that I would never do something as honest and totally unappealing as that, in front of any guy I’d just met.

But it was so easy to be with you, I could always be myself and I knew you wouldn’t think of me differently.
I didn’t have to explain or say anything to be understood, you knew immediately. Even before I could say something, sometimes you were able to read my minds.
Like the time when we just arrived at the restaurant and we just sat down at one of the tables and somehow, it just didn’t feel right sitting there. It was too open and there were too many children around (I had a thing about noisy, clumsy children at restaurants, they tend to be disastrous).

As if you knew what I was thinking, you called one of the waitress and asked to move tables. As the night wore out, you continued to surprise me, and I continued to surprise myself at how well I knew you.

It was strange in a way that I never got that feeling during the days when we stumbled upon each other at work, doing idle chit-chats out of boredom and lending each other books and CDs. The conversations that we had were always short and brief – perhaps because we were afraid of what people at work might thought of us.

During the movie, we were sitting so close together I almost felt like we were going on a date, except that we’d both knew it was an evening we couldn’t define. The cinema was getting awfully cold and I was hugging my legs, sort of hoping that you’d brought a jacket or something because I was badly in need of a substitute for a blanket.

As if you could read my mind, the second you saw me you said,”I have a jacket in my backpack, if you want to use it. Do you want me to get it out for you?”

I nodded eagerly, not believing my luck and soon afterward, I was enveloped in your scent – I was happy. I wished I could’ve brought that jacket home with me. You looked at me again and you chuckled, but I didn’t care how stupid I looked. I was warm and I couldn’t ask for more.

But half an hour later you sheepishly asked me to share your jacket because you were getting cold as well. So there we were, sitting next to each other and sharing the jacket together. I didn’t want the movie to end, and I was thinking whether you felt the same way.

When the movie ended, it was late already and I insisted on driving you home – after all it was the least I could do after I made you wait for hours. To be honest though, I just wanted to spend more time with you.

As we walked to the car, our hands touched and I wished I could’ve held yours.

“Message me as soon as you get home, okay? And drive safely, please, it’s really late.” You asked me as soon as I dropped you home.

“I will. Don’t worry.” Surprised and elated by your attention, I was glad to abide.

I drove home and I felt wonderful. It had been ages since I had a really good time with someone, and not just anyone – someone I didn’t know I could be myself with. “I had a really good time,” I thought to myself, and I wanted so much to let you know, except that I was worried that it might be too much for you.

That night, I lied on my bed and thought about you. I wanted to capture everything that I felt that evening, because I knew that it was probably the only evening that I had with you. You belonged to someone else, after all.

But that night, it was just you and me, and even if it was as insignificant as any other day when two friends hung out together having dinner and watching a movie, it was the night when I’d known that my prayers were answered.

And for that brief moment alone, I was happy. I found myself and my happiness, along with my faith, on that night in December.

Our December.

I’m listening to Hillsong’s At The Cross, and all of a sudden I’m reminded of the night we met.

Oh, we’ve met months ago, but it was the evening where our souls truly collided – they simply recognized each other.

You found me more than a year ago – I was lost and empty, and I was waiting for an answer.

I had taken too many wrong turns, and I was all beaten up from the game, too tired to try again.

But still…

I wanted so badly for you to come true. I just didn’t know that it was you.

In my heart, I still believed the other half of me was somewhere to be found. That belief is still here, and will always be here.

From the moment you held my hand, we both knew the road we were about to travel wouldn’t always be easy, but we wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

I remember so clearly, the first time you held my hand. It fitted so perfectly in yours, and right then I knew I found my home.

There are times when I lie awake next to you and feel content – I can simply die at that very moment and I will still be happy.

You’ve always said that I was the one who saved you, but we saved each other. We deserved to be saved, to be given the second chance.

You are my miracle, and everyday I am thankful.

It all started on a harmless blogwalking activity in the dead of the night – one of those nights when I couldn’t sleep and yearned for something to take my mind off the edge – and I stumbled upon this blog profile of a woman whose name was enough to pique my curiosity.

So I visited her blog and just with one post, I was hooked – her writings were funny, sassy, outrageous and so honest I felt like I was in love with her already – not in a full-throttle lesbian kind of way, just a mild one – and soon enough I frequented her blog almost every day and I couldn’t help myself from commenting. Each posting always topped up the one before, and I was all set to wanting to get to know her better.

Happy that she returned the favor by being a regular visitor – and commenter – of mine, soon enough we were adding each other on Facebook, Friendster, Multiply and any other social networks sites we had floating around on the virtual world.

But I remember clearly that the first chatting session we had was simply mind-blowing – she was like a long lost friend I never had; chatting with her was so easy and despite the age difference, we could talk about almost anything, and in a spooky kind of way, very often we found that we finished each other sentences as if our brains hovered on the same frequency.

Chatting sessions became daily, and there were times when one of us couldn’t make it online and we’d miss the company (in a sisterly / mild lesbian kind of way), or the jokes and crazy stories we shared with each other.

I remember the first time I visited her blog (it was a wee gem waiting to be discovered) there weren’t that many visitors then but now, four months on, she had simply become the goddess of the blogosphere world. Well, a sexy one at that. I often joked that I was merely a catalyst to get her blog famous but of course it was all thanks to her down-to-earth attitude and witty articles she’d shared in her blogs that got people interested.

My beau – surprisingly enough – didn’t mind me spending so much time chatting with her, as he even said to me once, “It seems like both of you really suit each other well – which is funny since you’re oceans apart and never even met each other before.”

I was lucky to get to know her – as a friend, and as a soulmate – she’s one of those rarities in life – you know, when you stumble upon a person of whom you can talk about anything and share a great connection with.

If you’re wondering who I’m talking about (but I’m guessing by now you already know), and wanting to get to know this fabulous girl as well, you can read all about her here.

Ever since
I was never the same
My world was turned upside down
Jack Johnson sang, “Is this how it’s supposed to be?”
Well I didn’t know any other way it should be
All I knew was that I felt alive
More alive than I had ever been in a very long time

Like I was able to breathe again
Like I was able to be myself again
Like I was living for something bigger than life itself
Living each day as if it was my last
Breathing each breath as if the oxygen was not free of charge
Walking each steps as if walking on air

I knew of miracles
And for those who didn’t believe in them
I say, “You should, because it happened to me.”
One miracle that changed my life
One miracle that started off the others
And it all happened because we dared

To be thought foolish and stupid
To be thought different and strange
To be thought helplessly romantic and shameless

And I no longer cared
What others thought of me
What others thought of us
None of it really matters

All I know is that you’re made for me and I for you
And that’s enough for me to know
That I finally find my place in this world
That I finally belong
That I finally find my path
And how beautiful it is from here

The bigger picture
The final destination
Because you’re here. With me. Forever.